Why Introverts Make Great Leaders

by Guest
September 14th, 2016

quiet leadershipThe words “introvert” and “leader” do not often go hand-in-hand. If you were to look at any online personality test or profile, it almost always suggests that the leader position is reserved for the extrovert. However, this assumption is not supported by historical facts or with any real evidence in general.

The truth is that introverts can make excellent leaders in their career of choice. Of course, they have their own obstacles to overcome that are unique to their situation and personality, but overcoming such obstacles actually strengthens their leadership skills. Here are a few of the key reasons why introverts can make such great leaders.

Thought Precedes Action

A leader must constantly make important decisions. Decisions that affect not only themselves, but their followers, team members, and company. Extroverts do think before making decisions, but rarely with the same degree of determination as an introvert.

An introvert feels most at home in solitary thought. Thus, they excel when it comes to the decision-making process. They will take the time needed to consider a decision deeply and all of the possible outcomes of their action. Only after taking the time to think will they take action, which is why their actions often prove beneficial for their team and company.

Leaders That Can Follow

Most people assume that introverts take the position of follower while extroverts take the role of leader. To a small degree, that is true. Introverts almost always have the capacity to be a follower, but that does not mean they should not be in the lead. A great leader must also be a great follower.

Introverts understand the position and mindset of their followers or team members. This allows them to show empathy. This empathy also allows them to step back for a moment and give their team members a chance to lead.

Letting team members lead, allows for new and unique ideas. It also helps strengthen the leadership skills of the team members. After all, some of them may be leaders in the future.

An Introvert Knows How To Listen

A great leader needs to have the ability to listen intently. This means listening to followers, team members, customers, and even leaders that are above them in the company. A leader must be able to take in all of this information and create solutions that appeal to as many people as possible.

Introverts are hardwired to listen more often than speak. They then use everything they have heard during their decision-making process. This leads to results that please multiple parties rather than just one or the other.

Finally, they also have the ability to engage in deep and meaningful conversations thanks to this listening capability. By doing so they are able to identify problems that were not originally on the surface, thus improving the decision-making process significantly.

Introverts are no less capable of being great leaders than extroverts. As a matter of fact, their unique personality traits make them ideal leaders. They are great listeners, empathetic towards their team members and take the time to think carefully before making decisions.

Andrea TaylorAndrea Taylor is the Coaching Support Director at http://www.lifecoachhub.com a site that networks life coaches with individuals looking to make improvements in their own personal and professional lives. The site provides useful information, advice and tips about life coaching, as well as providing a platform where coaches can network, start or continue to develop their own business.

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Why Introverts Make Great Public Speakers

by Guest
August 14th, 2016
Janet Barclay speaking at POC Conference 2015

Janet Barclay

If you were to list out the characteristics that most of us believe that a really good speaker must have in order to communicate the importance of public speaking, what would be on your list? I can only speak for myself, but I believe that I would have on my list that they would need to be an extrovert – an outgoing person who is always giving off lots of energy. You need this in order to connect with your audience, right? I’d be wrong. It turns out that introverts, those people who are more inwardly focused and less outwardly focused, can make really great speakers. Let’s find out why…

The Ability To Listen

In this context I sorta hate to admit this, but I believe that I am most defiantly an extrovert. What this means is that I really like to talk. Sometimes this is not a good thing – I tend to talk over people and don’t take enough time to listen to what they have to say. Introverts have a special skill – they happen to be very good listeners.

What this means is that when they are preparing to give a speech, they can use their listening skills to create a better speech. As they gather the information that they’ll need to create their speech, introverts take the time to listen to differences in opinion. This allows them to find the best solution, even if it turns out to be one that they didn’t suggest themselves.

For an introvert, it’s not all about listening. Instead, listening is where it starts. Once they’ve heard what someone has to say, an introvert will take this information and analyze it. They’ll consider all of the facts as they process what they’ve been told. The end result of this will be a well-thought out set of ideas that can be worked into their next speech.

Good At Sharing Both Ideas And Successes

Introverts are also very good at sharing both success and praise and this allows the audience to feel like they have been included in the speech. It’s not all about the speaker and this is what opens the door for the audience to feel as though the speaker is revealing things that they have learned to them instead of telling them things that they should already know.

What makes introverts especially good at collecting the information that they’ll need is that they don’t often feel threatened. They don’t feel threatened if their ideas are not the ones that the group decides to use and they are not threatened by high performers who may take up a lot of the conversation.

Introverts are able to move beyond themselves and instead focus on the issue that they’ll be building their speech around. Introverts are able to spend their time thinking about what their audience wants to accomplish. They don’t get hung up on the process that is going to be required in order to get there.

Willing To Take The Time Needed To Think

All too often we can find ourselves rushed to reach conclusions. These are the conclusions that then find their way into our speech that we then share with our audience. Introvert speakers don’t have this problem. They take their time and they think about what is going to go into their speech.

All too often, when we are collecting information for a speech we can be swayed by the person that we talk to who dominates a group discussion. An introvert has the ability to overcome this issue. They’ll take what they’ve heard and then they’ll take the time to sift through all of it in order to find out what it really means.

Introverts need an opportunity to go to a quiet place where they can ponder what they have been told. This allows them to both create solutions out of the information that they have gathered and to recharge themselves. It’s this kind of internal balance that will allow a great speech to be created.

What All Of This Means For You

Public speaking is the process of one person opening up and sharing their speech with an audience. We view this process as being the very definition of being an extrovert and so we assume that only extroverts would be any good at sharing the benefits of public speaking. However, it turns out that introverts have a number of key characteristics that make them very good at giving speeches.

Introverts possess the ability to do a good job of listening. Because introverts take the time to both listen and then think about what they’ve heard, the speeches that they deliver often talk directly to the issues that the audience is dealing with. When creating a speech, the introverted speaker collects ideas and successes from those around him or her. This means that their speech is about the issue and not them. Finally, creating a great speech takes time. Extroverts spend a lot of time thinking about how they’ll deliver the speech. Introverts spend their time thinking about what they’ll deliver.

In this world, it takes all types of people in order to give good speeches. Extroverts are often passed over when picking someone to give a speech. Perhaps we should not do this. Introverts have the ability to create a unique type of speech that can really connect with an audience.

About the Author

Dr. Jim Anderson
“America’s #1 Unforgettable Business Communication Skills Coach”
http://www.blueelephantconsulting.com
Your Source For Real World Public Speaking Skills™

Dr. Jim Anderson Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9131124Do you give speeches today, but want to learn how be more effective? Dr. Jim Anderson believes that great business skills are no substitute for poor presentation skills. Dr. Anderson will share with you the knowledge that he has gained while working to improve the speaking ability of both individuals and teams of speakers for over 20 years. Learn the secrets of effective speakers and really connect with your audience during your next speech.

If you want to follow Dr. Anderson on Twitter, he can be found at: http://twitter.com/drjimanderson

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9131124

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Unique Travel Ideas for Introverts

by Hazel Thornton
February 27th, 2016

Shakespeare-and-Company-bookstore-380x253What is your idea of a great vacation and/or travel destination?

I was featured in an article on this topic, but I didn’t share it with anyone because I thought my comment was edited too much, making me sound like an idiot. But now I’m sharing it with you.

Here’s the article: 23 Unconventional Places Introverts Would Love To Travel

I’m #21: Living at the Famed Shakespeare & Co Bookstore in Paris. (Which I’ve actually visited, decades ago. It was the first time I’d ever seen a bookstore cat.)

“If you feel like talking, there is an endless supply of interesting people. If not, you can just sit and read”, says Hazel Thornton.

So, what’s wrong with that? My name is spelled right, and it links to my website and everything. But it neglects to mention that “living” in this famous bookstore is a real thing, and not just a flight of fancy! My full comment was:

Become a “Tumbleweed”, living (in exchange for working a little) at the famed Shakespeare & Co Bookstore in Paris, France. If you feel like talking, there’s an endless supply of interesting people to talk to, and if you don’t you can just sit and read. And, well, it’s Paris!

Here’s the article that inspired me: What It’s Like to Live Inside the Legendary Paris Bookstore Shakespeare & Co.

Now it’s your turn: Where would you, as an introvert, love to travel? Share with us in the comments below!

If you’re short on ideas, read the article for 23 great ones. Or, if you prefer, feel free to describe your perfect staycation.

Hazel Thornton is the introverted CEO (Chief Executive Organizer) of Organized For Life in Albuquerque, NM, and the creator of The Clutter Flow Chart Collection (For You), and Custom-Branded Clutter Flow Charts (For Your Business).

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Career Management: Top 10 Networking Conversation Starters for Introverts

by Guest
January 26th, 2016

Among the challenges associated with networking is the simple act of how you start-up a conversation with a stranger. Add to that challenge the fact that you might be slightly introverted where pointless conversations are like staring into the black void. Nothing comes to mind. You don’t have a relationship, no common ground, you aren’t yet even sharing a common experience – so how to you do strike up a conversation?

conversation

Here are 10 conversation starters that have worked for me:

  1. If you are at a party: “How do you know Bob?” This one is great. It acknowledges that you both know the same person and allows them to talk about themselves. From the story you are told, you will have a gold mine of other threads to follow. Asking questions shows interest.
  2. If you are at a professional group: “Are you a member?” If they are, you can ask them about activities the group has had or how long they have been a member. If they aren’t, ask them what brought them to the group meeting.
  3. If there is a speaker: Introduce yourself to them. People tend to ignore the speaker, especially before they speak. Read up on their topic so you can ask them about the topic or their profession. They appreciate getting to know the crowd they are speaking to.
  4. If you’re at any meeting: Find the person in charge and introduce yourself. Be mindful that they may be busy organizing things, so you shouldn’t linger unless they signal otherwise. Make sure you let them know why you are attending their meeting.
  5. If you’ve been to the meeting before, ask to volunteer for a task, like signing people in. Introduce yourself to the people you are coming into contact with- Indicate you’re new and would like to get acquainted. Follow up later by using their name and asking them about their participation.
  6. Anywhere you are, consider saying: “I couldn’t help but notice your (fill in the blank- handbag, coat). I really like that style.” Then introduce yourself and ask them about what you’re both participating in.
  7. Anywhere you are: “Hi, I’m ________. What line of work do you do?” Once they have answered that, good follow-up questions are: How long have you been doing that work? How do you like it?
  8. If you’re at an event where there are booths or similar: Introduce yourself and ask them to tell you about their business or group they are representing. You want to ensure you share information about yourself so they have it for future reference.
  9. If you’re a regular at a place like a gym or church – look for new faces: Introduce yourself and ask them if they are new. If they are new, tell them about your involvement and ask what might interest them. If they aren’t new, but you just never crossed paths, find out what has changed in order for you to now be participating at the same time.
  10. If attending any event and you see someone you know speaking with someone you don’t know: Walk up to them, wait for a break or acknowledgement. Say Hi to your acquaintance and ask them to introduce you to the unknown person or be ready to introduce yourself. A logical next question is to ask about how they got to know each other.

To create a greater sense of comfort when going to any gathering of people, think through the various scenarios you are likely to run into and how best to handle them. You don’t have to “work a room” and try to meet everyone. I pick a goal of meeting 3 people per event and having high quality, fairly in-depth conversations with them. For people who are uncomfortable with these types of situations, narrowing your focus, making a goal and knowing how to get started can turn dread into enjoyment.

Bottomline: I want to help you accelerate your career – to achieve what you want by connecting you with your Free Instant Access to 5 Video series The 5 Most Common Ways Introverts Commit Career Self-Sabotage and How to Avoid Them. Unique and practical advice you can start using today. Go here to get them: http://www.introvertwhisperer.com/careergoals

Brought to you by Dorothy Tannahill Moran dedicated to help you unleash your professional potential http://www.introvertwhisperer.com

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How to be confident when talking to women

by Guest
January 5th, 2016

An introvert can gain confidence when talking to women

Imagine this.

You’re looking at the girl of your dreams. Maybe it’s that cute girl in your class. Maybe it’s that beauty in the bar. Slowly, you begin to make your way over to her. She turns to look at you. Your palms begin to get a little sweaty and you start to feel knots in your stomach.

Your thoughts begin to race…you suddenly remember how you got rejected the last time you tried asking a girl out…your mind beings to imagine all the ways that it could go wrong…“What if she already has a boyfriend? What if she says no? I’m completely inexperienced. What if I make it weird or awkward?”

Yesterday, this might have been enough to psyche you out of talking to her.

But not today! You calmly brush those thoughts aside and keep your confidence as you start chatting her up.

As an introvert, I struggled a lot with confidence when talking to girls and I’m excited to share with you how I learned to be confident.

Why the traditional advice we get about confidence sometimes fails us

What’s the usual advice that we hear about confidence? Typically, we often hear things such as: “Fake it until you make it”, “Think positive”, and “You can do it!” in self-help books and other media. And for a little while, we do feel more confident. When we’re reading positive statements or listening to that Shia Labeouf video where he yells “Do it! Yes you can! Nothing is impossible! Make your dreams come true!” from the safety of our own bedrooms, we can easily psyche ourselves into feeling more confident. We can get ourselves all hyped up and tell ourselves “This time I’m going to do it!!” when there’s still nothing at stake. However, once the moment of truth arrives and we actually try to talk to her then all those feelings of confidence vanish as quickly as they came.

As it turns out, this was some of the worst advice we could have received.

A 2009 study by Joanna V. Wood and John W. Lee showed what happened after a group of participants repeated self-affirmative phrases such as “I am a loveable person”, “I will succeed”, and “I accept myself completely.” Common sense suggests that everyone would feel better after saying such positive statements to themselves, right? And indeed, the participants with high self-esteem felt slightly better. However, the participants with lower self-esteem felt even worse!

What’s going on? When the participants with low self-esteem told themselves that they are loveable people, their minds snapped back at them with stories such as “No you’re not!” As the authors concluded, “Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people (such as individuals with high self-esteem) but backfire for the very people who need them the most.”

So, what are we supposed to do?

The Power of Negative Thoughts

Well, here’s the kicker. In a follow up study to the 2009 one, the psychologists allowed the participants to list negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts. They found that the low self-esteem participants’ moods actually improved when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts!

We often think that it’s bad to have negative thoughts and that we should try to get rid of these by thinking positive. However, this could not be further from the truth. Here’s why.

Today, we enjoy being at the top of the food chain. You can go outside, walk to the supermarket, grab some groceries, and then walk back home. Nothing is going to try and eat you. However, thousands of years ago we shared the world with beasts such as woolly mammoths, saber-tooth tigers, and cave bears. Animals such as these can could flatten you or tear you apart in the blink of an eye, and many of these creatures would love nothing more than to eat you for lunch.

Luckily, Mother Nature was kind enough to give us our own secret weapon against the claws, fangs, and tusks of these beasts: our superior intellect. Our minds were on constant vigil for signs of anything and everything that could eat us, scanning the environment and getting ready to activate our flight-or-flight response at a moment’s notice. That rustle of leaves in the bushes could be a saber tooth tiger ready to pounce. That shadow in the cave could be a hungry bear. That noise roaring over the horizon could be a woolly mammoth charging toward us. As the psychologist Joseph Ciarrochi puts it, our minds operated as “don’t get eaten” machines. And by constantly thinking negatively, our minds kept us alive.

Now, today we face much less threat from beasts that could eat us or stomp us flat. However, evolution hasn’t had enough time to catch up and our minds still operate very much the same way they did before. They still look for the negative, for anything and everything that could go wrong. If you try to fight this by thinking positive, then you’re literally fighting thousands and thousands of years of evolution…a VERY steep uphill battle.

And when we try to talk to women, our minds will still look for everything that could go wrong. We think of things such as “What if she already has a boyfriend? What if she says no? What if I make it weird or awkward?”

How to overcome negative thoughts

To overcome our negative thoughts we can use a process that psychologists call “defusion.” If your negative thoughts are influencing your behavior, then we can think of those as having become “fused” with each other, just like two pieces of metal might be fused together. The goal, then, is to separate them so that your fears and negative thoughts no longer affect you.

In order to defuse from a thought, you need envision it so that your mind realizes that your thought is just that—a thought. Nothing more than words in your head. Now, there are many ways to go about doing this. I’ll show you one of my favorite defusion techniques, originally created by psychologist Steven Hayes.

1. First, try to notice when a thought has “hooked” you or is negatively affecting you. Don’t fight it or try to force it out of your head, but listen to what it is saying. What is it telling you? “She probably already has a boyfriend”, “she’ll think I’m a loser”, “I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence” etc.

2. Now, repeat that thought to yourself but now say “I’m having the thought that…” inserted before it. So, the thought that “I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence” becomes “I’m having the thought that I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence.”

3. Finally, repeat that thought once more but now say “I notice I’m having the thought that…” before it. For example, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence.”

By doing this, many people are able to achieve a sense of separation or distance from the thought. Remember that we’re not trying to fight the thought or force it out of our heads. Instead, we’re trying to neutralize its effect on us.

But what if my thoughts are true??

That doesn’t matter as much as you might think. We aren’t so much concerned with whether or not our thoughts are true but rather whether or not they are helpful.

Imagine that we’re in the Ice Age again. You’re on the hunt with two other members of your tribe. The leaves from the bush next to you begin to rustle almost imperceptibly. Suddenly, a four-legged silhouette leaps out and gallops towards one of your friends. He begins to raise his spear in defense, but the beast’s white, curved fangs sink themselves into his neck before he has time to react.

Your other friend hurls his spear, which grazes the beast and causes a red spot to grow on its fur. Unfazed by its injury, the beast darts towards your friend. In one swift motion, it raises its claw and tears through his face. Now, the saber-tooth tiger turns to face you. Its fangs and claws dripping crimson, it begins to look you from head to toe and starts to lick its chops.

What are you thinking in this situation? Perhaps some prehistoric version of “Oh ****!” and “I’m about to get eaten.” Are those thoughts true? Probably. If you let those thoughts influence your behavior, though, then you’d be frozen in fear. Yes, the thought that you’re about to be the tiger’s lunch is probably true. But that thought is not helpful. So, if you were to have any chance to survive then you’d need to put those thoughts on the back burner and either run like heck or fight for all you were worth!

Even though we don’t really have to worry about being eaten today, our minds still present us with many negative thoughts that will easily undermine your behavior if you let them. It might very well be true that “she probably has a boyfriend” or “I’ll make it weird if I talk to her” or “I’m completely inexperienced and have little self-confidence.” But that doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not the thought is helpful. And if it’s not, then we’ll want to defuse from it so that it doesn’t affect our behavior.

When you’re talking to a girl and your self-doubts kick in, you now have a tool to loosen their grip on you. You now have a way to help your mind recognize that your thoughts are merely words in your head and to allow them to bounce around without trying to fight them or letting them influence your behavior. By separating yourself from your negative thoughts, you can exude confidence when talking to her…maybe enough to get her to go out with you.

About the Author

Steven Zawila I have a confession to make: I had an absolute BLAST writing this article because…well…I used to not have any confidence! I had a lot of trouble talking to girls because I lacked confidence, and I felt that I lacked confidence because of how much trouble I had talking to girls. My name is Steven Zawila and I know how frustrating it is because I’ve been there before. So, I’m going to write a lot more on confidence in the coming weeks and I’m totally excited to share it with everyone on my e-mail list. Sign up on my website www.charmingintrovert.com.

Photo: © Voyagerix / DepositPhotos

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness
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Better Ways to Build Confidence in Your Shyest Kids

by Guest
December 17th, 2015

shy kid

All kids, like adults, fall somewhere on the extrovert and introvert spectrum. While naturally talkative and well-spoken kids tend to feel at ease in social settings, it can be difficult to know how best to help a shy child navigate life without feeling anxious or uncomfortable. There are some tips and techniques that can help a shy child feel more confident in their interactions at home, in school, and other social settings, so you as a parent don’t have to feel lost when it comes to helping them out.

Do Not Make Apologies

It can be difficult as a parent to watch your shy child look awkward and mumble when meeting new people. It is tempting to apologize and explain, “Sorry, they’re just shy.” This is a no-no for a couple of reasons. First, by apologizing, you are making your child believe there is something wrong with being shy. Second, by repeatedly stating your child is shy, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a child hears constantly that they are shy, they will begin to believe that they are and act more this way.

Give Pep Talks before Social Interactions

Help your shy child prepare for social settings by talking through different scenarios. Remind them to look at people when being spoken to. Depending on the age of the child, doing little role play scenarios can be helpful. Coach them on how to wait for breaks in conversation and when to best break in. Making friends can be difficult for shy kids so help them out by talking over conversation starters.

Provide Safe Social Practice

Giving your child opportunities to interact with others when you are nearby and where they feel supported is key. Encourage them to order their own drink at the pizza place, say thank you to the bus driver, or shake hands with your co-worker. It may not be easy, but it’s best to practice when mom or dad is close by for a feeling of security.

Keep an Open Dialogue

It is extremely easy to be an overbearing parent to a shy child. Resist the urge to answer questions and give explanations for your child. Instead, gently nudge them towards answering for themselves. Since shy children are typically good listeners, but slower to communicate, conversations take a bit more work. Be patient and give your child a chance to speak.

Model Good Social Manners

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert by nature, make a conscious effort to model excellent behavior. Children often mirror what they see, so speak up, look at people, and shake hands firmly.

Offer Feedback

Take time to watch and discuss your child’ interactions. Work on positive ways to bring up areas of improvement that you observe. Make sure to compliment and praise your child when they do something good in social situations like hold open a door or say thank you.

Provide Opportunities

Make sure you give plenty of opportunities for your child to stretch their wings and grow. Shy kids might not mind spending a lot of time alone, but appreciate being included in other activities as well. Whether you try swim lessons in Houston, or a community art class. Give kids a place to find out what they love to do. Meeting others with similar interests is often all it takes to get them talking and making more friends.

Accept Your Shy Child

Accept and embrace your quiet and reserved child. Shy kids have their own strengths and are often are excellent listeners and very conscientious students. Teach them to embrace and accept themselves for the wonderful people they are.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a shy child and shyness does not typically indicate a lack of confidence or low self-worth. Oftentimes, shy children have very healthy self-esteem and simply don’t enjoy being loud and boisterous. Keep an open dialogue with them and watch for any areas of concern. A happy, but shy, child may not seek out social interaction, but is able to make eye contact, practice good manners, and be overall more content. By embracing and accepting your shy child the way they are, you will best help them navigate an extroverted world as a shy and perfectly well adjusted person.

Brooke Chaplan
About the Author

Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She lives and works out of her home in Los Lunas, New Mexico. She loves the outdoors and spends most her time hiking, biking and gardening. For more information contact Brooke via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.

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How to Talk to Your Introverted Child during a Divorce

by Guest
December 9th, 2015

how to talk to your introverted child during divorceDivorce is difficult for everyone involved, but perhaps the most affected are children. This can become a particular challenge if the child is introverted, as much of their dialogue is internal. Here are some tips for talking to your introverted child during a divorce and how you can help them through.

Understand the Introvert

An introverted child has a rich inner world. They can be very withdrawn, especially when processing information. They typically need to process on their own, in their mind. Understand this, and don’t force your child to talk things through right away. It may take them a few days to sort out their feelings and open up.

Help Them Think it through

An introverted child may prefer to think things over on their own, but may need help processing such a huge change. Ask thoughtful questions, or if they’re of reading age, perhaps write a letter. Since they will be able to read it and take their time to process what you’re saying, it gives them a chance to understand on their own terms. Introverts sometimes have difficulty being put on the spot and writing a letter may be the push they need to express things to you in return.

Take Breaks

Introverts lose energy from being around people, even their beloved parents. Don’t take offense to their need for solitude – it’s not personal, it’s biological. An introverted child can only take so much talking and interaction before they need to be alone. When you sense your child getting tired or zoning out, it’s a good time to take a break. Let them have some alone time to recharge.

Support Them Emotionally

Help your child to understand that even though you’re divorcing, your love for the child will continue. Ensure that they know you will be there for them, protect them, and care for them as much as ever. Reinforce the positives of your relationship and let me know you are available.

Keep Them Out of Conflict

Your divorce may be a messy one, but your children don’t need to know that. If they do, you don’t know just how much they’ll be thinking about it on their own. Keep things civil when talking around the kids. Don’t bad-mouth your spouse or give too much information or expectations to kids.

Focus on the Positive

Divorce doesn’t have a lot of positive elements, but your child’s future can still be bright, even if the parents aren’t together. Focus on the things that remain good in your child’s life. Remind them that you both still love them and that they still have family and friends, and any other positive aspects of your living situation or future plans.

It can be hard to know what’s going on in your introverted child’s mind, especially during a difficult situation like a divorce. To make conversations easier, understand their needs as introverts, and respect that they need time and space to process. Jill L. Coil at Coil Law recommends you also think about getting professional support whether through child counseling, or legal representation for your kids. Click here for more information. Help introverted children to understand their inner thoughts and process this confusing time, as well as assure them of your love. Both of you will make it through just fine.

Brooke Chaplan
About the Author

Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She lives and works out of her home in Los Lunas, New Mexico. She loves the outdoors and spends most her time hiking, biking and gardening. For more information contact Brooke via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.

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What is Your Socializing Sweet Spot?

by Hazel Thornton
September 5th, 2015

Socializing Sweet SpotWhen introversion became a thing – when Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Won’t Stop Talking was published, and the internet started filling up with memes like “Introverts Unite… Separately… In Your Own Homes” — I felt a sense of relief. The modern definition of introversion as someone who simply needs to be alone to recharge one’s batteries fit me to a T. I no longer felt apologetic about wanting to leave a party early. Others, too, were coming out of the introvert closet.

Then I had a crappy year. The details are not important here — I’m not claiming mine was worse than yours… who knows? – but I found myself withdrawing even more than usual. I worked less with clients, networked less, and socialized less. Eventually I realized I wanted to do more virtual organizing than hands-on organizing, and took steps to make that happen, which was fantastic except for the part where I was slowly becoming a hermit.

My friend, and occasional houseguest, Jane, is a writer. She writes novels. She also has been an art teacher, worked with preschool kids, and done any number of bohemian part-time jobs to supplement her income. But she’s always been a writer. I, on the other hand, was an engineer at the phone company for 20 years prior to my 10-year stint as a hands-on professional organizer. It’s only been recently that we’ve realized I’m a writer too! I write blog articles and informational products, social media posts and website copy, e-books and action plans, meeting minutes, procedures, checklists, emails, and newsletters. This is becoming more apparent the less time I spend in person with clients and the more time I spend alone at my computer.

And what do writers stereotypically do? They keep to themselves and they write. They often neglect themselves and others in the process. Now, as you know, introverts usually enjoy being with others, for a little while at least. Being a hermit is no more a necessary characteristic of introversion than shyness is. So I’ve realized I need to get out more and spend more time with others. Since I have less time with others built into my routine now, I know I need to build some back in. And it’s not going to happen by itself.

I should probably mention that I live alone and love it. I see my aunt (and the other library volunteers) weekly; and my dad, brother, and I have a standing weekly breakfast date. Monthly activities include book club, a meeting of my fabulous professional organizing colleagues, and a business networking luncheon which I can’t just blow off because I have a job to do when I get there – one that forces me to talk to at least a few newcomers each time – which is to take photos of the event and post them on Facebook. I also cashier at the library used book sale once a month.

So that’s 12 out of 30 days where I spend time with others for a few hours (which is plenty) on a predictable basis. And 18 days where I don’t. Sure there’s the occasional spontaneous lunch date, get-together, or activity, but I think I need a little more.

So what’s my plan? I think the solution for me is to schedule at least one breakfast, lunch, or dinner date per week with a friend (rotating among several candidates). This is easier to work into my current working from home schedule than it was during a day of three-hour in-person appointments that I had to drive across town to get to. And I need to find an exercise class or physical activity that involves other people. I think those two things would get me back into my sweet spot.

What about you? What is your socializing sweet spot?

Are you getting just the right amount of me-time? Too much? Not enough?

And what are you planning to do about it?

Please share with us in the comments below!

Hazel Thornton is the introverted CEO (Chief Executive Organizer) at Organized For Life in Albuquerque, NM, and the creator of The Clutter Flow Chart Collection — For You — and Custom Branded Clutter Flow Charts — For Your Business.

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Is adapting to open-plan offices sufficient?

by Guest
August 18th, 2015

Open-plan office: is adapting sufficient for introverts?

Over the past few decades open-plan offices have come to dominate the way we work. At least 70% of employers use them and the hope of being able to claim some private space at work now seems increasingly out of reach for many.

Given how widespread open-plan offices have become, we should probably expect there to be some pretty good reasons behind their proliferation. And yet, reams of scientific research actually associates them with a wide range of detrimental effects. These include high noise levels, interruptions which can’t be controlled, and a lack of visual and sound privacy. These are not only unpleasant to endure, particularly for introverts and highly sensitive people, they also damaging in terms of productivity, memory, creativity and stress levels. Feeling a lack of control over one’s environment produces feelings of helplessness. People report decreased motivation and satisfaction at work. There are also negative effects for physical health: open-plan workers fall ill more often and suffer from higher blood pressure than those occupying private work spaces.

In addition to all these drawbacks, research shows that open-plan offices don’t even deliver the benefits they claim to, and actually work against them to a significant degree. Proponents have argued that having multiple workers in the same room sparks greater collaboration, creativity and social harmony. Yet employees working in private offices actually report greater ease of interaction with colleagues than their open-plan counterparts. The lack of privacy in an open, busy office can act as a barrier to people developing genuine, personal and trusting relationships with one another. Furthermore, noise, distractions and interruptions have all been shown to increase social hostility and aggression due to raised cortisol levels.

Unsurprisingly, many introverts harbour a particular dislike of open-plan working. This is because they are particular sensitive to sensory stimuli of all sorts, making them more easily overwhelmed and drained from spending prolonged periods of time in overstimulating environments. I know from personal experience, and from the stories of other introverts, that spending the whole working day surrounded by people takes its toll and can leave us with little energy for attending to other tasks – especially social ones – during the evenings and weekends. And it’s not just subjective. We know that introverts work best in quiet, private environments. Research actually demonstrates that an introvert’s performance on a given task is more negatively affected by higher levels of background noise than it is for extroverts.

But it is not just the introverted or especially sensitive who are affected. The majority of people who actually work in open-plan offices report a myriad of complaints against them. It can also be argued that whether a person is happy with an open-plan arrangement is beside the point. Just because an extroverted employee may feel good in a busy office, doesn’t make it good for what they’re actually supposed to be doing there – i.e. working. We should realise it’s not at all surprising if the more extroverted amongst us are relatively happy in open plan offices – they’re surrounded by people and immersed in energising social interactions for a great part of the day. But this may not be the most conducive thing in terms of actually getting things done! We should remember that being subjected to noise, distractions and interruptions is universally detrimental, hampering everyone’s productivity and mental wellbeing to a greater or lesser extent.

Given the direness of this situation, it’s clear that something ought to be done sooner rather than later. There is a substantial amount of information out there offering advice to people, introverts especially, on how to cope with open plan offices. This advice mainly takes the form of adaptation techniques which involve individuals making small, low-level changes (many of which may go unnoticed) in an attempt to improve their situation and immediate environment. Some examples of these include wearing headphones or earplugs, taking breaks outside of the office, taking work home where you can be more productive, coming into the office at quieter times, and even erecting various contraptions to act as physical barriers.

Whilst I recognise the value of such advice for those who have to endure open-plan working, I would argue that these strategies are insufficient when it comes to considering the long-term and the bigger picture. Coping strategies are often awkward, involving a great deal of inconvenience. They may simply substitute one problem for another. Or they might just be plain unfair! There are stories of people arriving at their office one hour before everyone else – without being compensated for the extra time – just so that they can get some work done in peace and quiet. Other strategies, such as headphones or “do not disturb” signs can make people feel self-conscious or create tension in an office. Taking lunch breaks alone can be awkward if you have to regularly turn-down invitations from colleagues, whilst dipping out for a rejuvenating walk in the middle of the morning or afternoon can leave people harbouring a sense of guilt.

Most of all, though, none of these adaptive strategies do anything to address the cause of the problem and most people would say they are insufficient substitutes for real quiet and privacy. At the end of the day, life should not merely be about coping, especially when it comes to something as life-defining and time-consuming as work. So I would suggest that the discussion should not end with tips about implementing adaptive strategies. We can and should be much more ambitious than this.

Introverts adapting themselves to fit into and effectively become complicit with a one-size-fits-all status quo that benefits precisely no one doesn’t really cut it! We need to go beyond a narrow focus on individual struggles to consider the bigger picture and how we might go about enacting a radical overhaul of our work environments. This may mean radically redesigning office space, or perhaps moving back towards private offices. It may mean making shifts towards remote employment or higher levels of self-employment. Above all, it should mean working towards a society which caters to the needs of all personality types, as well as to the universal human need for quiet, private and distraction-free spaces of one’s own.

Sian AtkinsSian is a freelance writer and blogger at www.sianatkins.com, crafting content for clients on personal development, nutrition, travel and the outdoors. She also runs Introvert Ideal (www.introvertideal.com), a site dedicated to cultivating understanding, shifting attitudes and enacting change in society for the benefit of introverts and highly sensitive people. Follow her on twitter (@SianIAtkins) and if you have a writing project in need of completion be sure to get in touch.

Image © monkeybusiness / DepositPhotos

Categories Introverts at Work
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“Hey! I wasn’t finished!” or How quieter types get heard at work (when everyone else is shouting)

by Guest
March 18th, 2015

introvert in a meeting

You have an idea. You’ve been working on it for months. You’ve submitted a written proposal to your manager, and she said it was great. The day of the weekly team meeting arrives, and you’re excited to hear how senior management plans to take the idea forward.

As you sit down in the conference room, you notice that your idea is at the top of the agenda. You carefully lay out your notes, sit back and listen as the senior manager starts off the meeting.

“Here’s Sophie’s proposal from earlier this week, and I have to say it looks pretty relevant to our goals for this quarter,” Mr. Senior Manager starts off. “Sophie, what are your thoughts on this?”

I look down quickly at my notes. I’m not good at speaking in front of groups, but I’d been carefully rehearsing my points all week, and I knew what I wanted to say. “Well, I was thinking of looking at the budget for the next quarter..”

Suddenly Mr. Busybody from Finance jumps in. Replying more to the senior manager than to me, he bleats: “Just one thing. How are we going to pay for this? Putting this in place would require additional funds.”

Then Ms. Woolsuit butts in: “Exactly. I’m not sure where the funds would come from.”

Followed by Mr. Briefcase: “What if we revisited Fred’s idea from last week about running a budget impact analysis?”

Each person speaks louder than the last, and the conference room starts to fill with chatter. They speak faster and faster too, and I can’t get a word in. Some of the points make sense, some of them are just noise. Some of the colleagues seem more interested in one-upping others, some just want to be noticed. None of them are interested in listening.

This is what it was often like for me at my old corporate job: an introvert drowned out by an army of extroverts. At times it seemed like I was the only one interested in thoughtful discussion, lost in an environment where interrupting others and shouting was seen as being “proactive”.

I had tried to compete with the loud speakers, and it had only left me exhausted and frazzled. Pretending to be an extrovert just didn’t work for me. But I didn’t know what else to do.

By the end of that meeting, Sophie’s Idea had morphed into Fred’s Warped Interpretation of Sophie’s Idea. Which over time, simply became known as Fred’s Idea.

What could I have done differently?

1. Stand up.

Literally. Because as most introverts and quieter types know, there isn’t much point competing against extroverts in a noisy debate. That’s like drawing whiskers on your face and hoping to be mistaken for a tiger. I know, I’ve tried (competing, not the whiskers). Instead, when it comes to noisy but crucial work situations, non-verbal actions speak for themselves.

When you stand up, people can’t fail to notice you. You don’t even need to say anything. Just look calm and in control. Unless the rest of the room (including the senior manager) are astronomically arrogant, they will quieten down to hear what you have to say. When they do, just finish your prepared points, smile and sit down again. It used to unnerve me at the beginning, but then I realised that the only thing worse than literally standing up for my ideas was having my ideas bulldozed – or worse, stolen – by other people.

2. Visual aids

Simple powerpoint presentations, individual handouts – these can greatly help focus colleagues’ attention on your ideas. Added benefit: people who are absorbing written information rarely carry on loud, obnoxious debates at the same time.

3. Digital visibility

I’ve always preferred written communication to in-person meetings. The growth of digital media has been such a lifesaver. I’ve grown very fond of emails and online forums for work communication, and before particularly important meetings, I make sure I’ve emailed everyone a copy of my proposal. I follow up with an emailed summary of the discussion after the meeting. This helps re-affirm ownership of my ideas while keeping face time to a minimum. At my old company, I used chatrooms extensively to discuss ideas, which had several advantages: everyone got to have their say, the transcript could be re-read later, and I could give a reason and sign out any time I wanted.

Sophie TaylorSophie Taylor is the founder of Tongue Untied, and helps quieter types like herself speak with impact and get their ideas heard – without resorting to corporate BS. She is a former foreign correspondent for Reuters and a fan of authentic communication. Visit Tongue Untied at: www.tongue-untied.com.

 

Image © iStock.com / XiXinXing

Categories Introverts at Work
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