8 Small Talk Survival Techniques

by Guest
March 14th, 2019

How-to-Get-Better-at-Small-Talk

Let’s start with an uncomfortable truth: small talk is good for you.

It helps you to work. At least some small element of every job is social, and the more you know about your clients, colleagues, or audience – the more you intuit from the minutiae of banal interaction – the better you adjust to the project needs.

It makes you happier. Or at least, small talk may seem like torture at the time, but passing the time of day with a stranger gives a sense of fulfilment.

And it improves your well-being. We’re pack animals. Sure, we need to manage the booms and busts of our social energy – but in perpetual isolation, we wither.

Here’s another truth: you can’t avoid small talk forever! But small talk is not all born equal. The most torturous small talk is when neither party fully commits. On the other hand, take a deep breath and step right in – and you might just come out of it alive.

Small talk is not all born equal. Click To Tweet

For introverts, that’s easier said than done. Our brains aren’t excitedly wired for quick-fire chit-chat. But we have a secret weapon: preparation. Sure, you never know quite what subject or point of view is going to emerge in your next elevator encounter. But you can build a framework to deal with whatever comes at you.

The good people at OnStride have created a complete guide to doing just that: figuring out in advance how to survive and even benefit from small talk. Spend ten minutes going over it now, and that next 30-second elevator ride won’t feel like a lifetime!

Article by G. John Cole

G. John Cole

John writes on behalf of NeoMam Studios. A digital nomad specializing in leadership, digital media, and pets, his passions include world cinema and biscuits. A native Englishman, he is always on the move, but can most commonly be spotted in the UK, Norway, and the Balkans.

Website: gjohncole.com

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Respecting the Space Your Introverted Friend Needs

by Guest
January 15th, 2019

Respecting the Space Your Introverted Friend Needs

Everyone has some introverted tendencies. Everyone likes to spend time alone and away from the constant interactions with others sometimes. For introverts, however, that need is a lot more frequent. If you’re friends with an introvert, it’s important to understand their needs. It’s about respecting the space they need to recharge and understanding that needing that space is not a reflection on you or how much they love you.

One of those boundaries has to do with having a controlled environment that they can escape to if they need to. Another is understanding that for an introvert, parties are not always going to be their thing. They may require more information about your social event in order to prepare. Being friends with an introvert has a lot to do with making some time that works for them — not just for you.

The Importance of a Controlled Environment

There are a lot of misunderstandings about introversion. Introverts aren’t always shy; they aren’t always anxious; they don’t always detest social situations. However, one thing that is true for introverts is that they feel the most comfortable and content in their own space to recharge from the rest of the world. This is why it’s important for them to have some control over their environment. This might mean a door they can close, a car available to leave, or a phone in their pocket when they need an unbothered minute in a social situation.

As a friend of someone who is introverted, it’s important to respect that need for a controlled environment. All that means is allowing them to get away, not bothering them when they need space, and understanding that the pop-in isn’t a great option when you want to see them. All it takes is a little communication and understanding on your part.

Parties Aren’t for Everyone

For an introvert, a party is like an emotional marathon. Even in a room full of their closest friends, an introvert may look at a big social gathering as something that will deplete them for days. There’s a lot of people, a lot of talking, and a lot of emotions tied into a social event of this magnitude. Though many introverts enjoy these social settings, that doesn’t mean it won’t still be draining on them. If they also battle social anxiety, they may worry about the proper etiquette in certain social situations. They may feel anxious about the people they don’t know, the games that they will be expected to play, or the draining small-talk discussions.

In order to respect the space your introverted friend needs, you’ll have to be understanding about the fact that parties aren’t for everyone. Your introverted friend may not want to come, may leave early, or may need you to stick close to them if you bring them into an unknown social circle.

Understand the Need for Information

Your introverted friend flourishes in their own environment. For this reason, a new environment can be stressful. This is why your introverted friend may have a lot of questions for you if they agree to join you in an activity, a social event, or even just a trip to your house. The reason for this is that more information helps them feel comfortable in a new setting. A controlled environment is comforting, so be sure to understand your introverted friend’s need for information. They need times, names of people, a heads-up if you’re going to be late or if any changes are happening, whose name the reservation is under, etc.

Even something as simple as eating at another home can be a source of discomfort for an introvert — especially an introvert who may also have anxiety. They may overthink sitting in the wrong spot or worry about not liking the food. There’s a whole psychology to food that everyone has, but for someone who is introverted, it can be really overwhelming to worry about offending someone or working through the social cues of a dinner party. Give your friend all the information they request, and don’t feel offended if they decide a social interaction will be too much for them.

Making the Right Kind of Time

Being friends with an introvert really means understanding the right kind of space your friend needs. It means understanding that they may not be at your parties or stay long at social functions, but they feel right at home having a movie night or coffee date with just the two of you. It means making the right kind of time for them. Introverts love deep conversations and relationships, not shallow ones. They love using their social time to make meaningful connections as opposed to top-level conversations they’d have at a party or large social event.

Introverts can be social people, but they also need solitude to recharge. This means finding the balance as their friend to give them the space they need while also spending time with them on mutually agreeable terms. Friendship is all about compromise and understanding, and being friends with an introvert is no different in that respect.

Introverts create energy on their own and in their solitude. Being social expends that energy, and being alone allows it to recharge. Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to get energy from the outside world. They expend that energy in their solitude. Being with others and interacting with the world allows them to recharge. Ambiverts do a little of both. If you’re friends with an introvert, it’s important to understand just how depleting the outside world can be for them. Introverts need you to respect the space they need while understanding that the space they need doesn’t mean they don’t adore time with you — it just means they need that time to recharge.

Chelsy RanardChelsy is a writer/blogger from Montana who graduated with her journalism degree in 2012. She is now a freelance writer in the beautiful city of Boise, Idaho. She is an animal lover, an advocate for mental health, and her hair is always a mess. Follow her on Twitter @chelsy5.

 

Categories Relationships
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Business Tools for Introverts

by Hazel Thornton
January 2nd, 2019

As I’ve been gradually transitioning my hands-on, in-person organizing business to provide more virtual services, I’ve also been thinking about the business tools I use. Extraverts can, and do, of course, use these tools too, but if you are an introvert trying to make your way in an extraverted world, these might help:

TimeTrade, Acuity (or similar appointment scheduler)

Is there anything worse than the back-and-forth discussion involved in scheduling a mutually-agreeable time to meet with a client? Or with anyone, for anything? Phone tag is the worst! Most introverts hate talking on the phone…unless you’re like me and you don’t mind if it’s a scheduled call. Technology to the rescue! (For more ideas, see 7 Phone Tips for Introverts.)

Skype, FaceTime (or similar video chat app)

I love meaningful, one-on-one, face-to-face interaction. But there are obvious benefits to not having to go anywhere to do it. Eliminating the driving and parking part saves time and money, for starters. It opens up a virtual world full of potential new clients. And, if you are mindful during the call, your conversations will be naturally limited to the pre-arranged block of time. Not all businesses can benefit from this, but many coaching and consulting services can.

Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn (and other forms of social media)

It’s social, but not in person, and can be done on your own time. Clothing optional. Yay! (For those who completely avoid networking in person, though, you might be encouraged to give it another try if you read my post Networking for Introverts.)

Freedom, Stay Focused (or other internet blocker)

Wait, didn’t I just say social media was a good thing? In fact, a godsend to introverts? Yes, but it can also be overwhelming. I might be more productive if I spent less time on social media, but I enjoy it and I have other ways of managing my time (scheduling, time blocking, timers, adjusting notification settings, etc.), but you might appreciate such a tool.

Constant Contact, MailChimp (or similar email tool)

Tell them what you have to say all at once, on a regular basis, especially if they aren’t all on social media. They won’t all read your newsletter every time, but it reminds them that you’re still there, and it sure beats telling them one at a time…or making phone calls…

WordPress (or similar blogging tool)

Some business people despair of getting “enough” subscribers for their blog. I don’t think of it that way. I use my blog posts in many ways. I link to them on social media and in my newsletter. I send them to clients to reinforce whatever we have been talking about in their sessions. I send them to new people I meet — who have expressed interest in an issue that it so happens I’ve written about — as a way of establishing that I can help them, without “selling”. Why keep recreating the wheel? If people keep asking about the same thing, and I haven’t yet, I write a blog post about it.

Adobe Spark (or other video creation tool)

We’ve all heard that videos are the future of social media. Videos? For introverts? Ack! I’ll admit to not having thought of this myself as an introvert-specific tool. But think about it. They can be a way of personalizing your business and reaching people without the pressure of being live. You don’t even have to show your face if you’re not quite ready for that; you can start with voice-overs. Unless, of course, you are ready for apps such as Facebook Live.

(Virtual) Introvert Communities

It always helps to have the support of like-minded people. For me that includes Janet Barclay, creator of this Introvert Retreat blog, and Thea Orozco from Introvertology (coaching, blog, Facebook group, podcast).

Which tools might you try?

What other business tools do you think make life easier, particularly for an introvert?

Please share with us in the comments!

Hazel Thornton is a professional organizer and genealogist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico; creator of The Clutter Flow Chart Collection; and author of Go with the Flow! The Clutter-Clearing Tool Kit for an Organized Life. Visit her online at www.org4life.com.

 

 

 

 

 

Categories Introverts at Work
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The Librarian

by Janet
December 15th, 2018

librarian

I’ve had a library card for as long as I can remember.

A long time ago, I’d browse the shelves and select some books to take home and read over the next few weeks. I still do that occasionally, but I’m far more likely to look for a specific title in the library catalogue, request it, and pick it up when it comes in. But I don’t think I’ve ever asked a librarian to help me choose a book – if I have, it was decades ago.

I probably could have gone on that way quite happily. After all, I’m on track to read 50+ books this year, each selected for one of several reasons:

  • it was recommended by someone I know
  • it frequently showed up on book blogs or social media
  • I picked it up at a used book sale or the Little Free Library that recently opened in my neighbourhood (yay!)
  • I needed something to read and it happened to be available on Overdrive

I enjoyed Modern Mrs. Darcy’s 2015 Reading Challenge and decided I’d participate again this year.

Modern Mrs. Darcy 2018 Reading Challenge

To make it even more challenging, I planned to read the books in the order listed. I was doing great, and was even ahead of schedule (if you count on one book per month) until July when I got to “a book recommended by a librarian or indie bookseller.” Claiming it wasn’t convenient, I jumped ahead to the next one, then continued through the list.

With the end of the year – and the challenge – in sight, I had to admit that my reasons for not speaking to a librarian were just excuses for avoiding social interaction and that I needed to JUST DO IT. I’d have been really annoyed with myself if I didn’t complete the challenge, so I popped over to the library this morning before I could change my mind.

It was actually pretty exciting to have someone pick out five books for me after hearing just three titles I’d enjoyed this year! Definitely worth stepping outside my comfort zone.

I happened to have one of them at home already (borrowed from my sister, who recommended it) and briefly considered thanking her and going home to read the book I already had, but reminded myself that the point of doing the challenge was to expand my horizons, so I chose one of the others and I hope it will be an rewarding end to a great reading year.

Once I’ve read it, I’ll be revealing the titles of all 12 books I chose for the challenge on Away from my Desk. Why not subscribe so you can find out what they are?

Image courtesy of Iosphere at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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How Introverts and Extroverts Manage Their Small Businesses

by Guest
November 16th, 2018

Everyone has the predilection to be more introverted or extroverted in life and business. When building a small business, the importance of understanding how you work cannot be overstated. If you are comfortable working as a part of a team and exude charismatic leadership over your employees, you are likely leaning towards extroversion. If you have a more reserved and a demeanor of self-reflection when working as part of a team, you likely associate with introversion.

There is no guarantee that being introverted or extroverted will result in success, but it is nearly a guarantee that each personality type will take a different approach to business. Click To Tweet

Extroverts will most likely weigh networking as a very important tactic for generating business and nurturing relationships.

Extroverts might find it difficult to manage their impulses and focusing for long periods. If you are the extroverted entrepreneurial type, try implementing a productivity practice like the Pomodoro Technique, which prescribes 50 minutes of focused work followed by a 10-minute break. If you are introverted and do not have a problem avoiding impulses and focusing, you are most likely highly self-motivated and reflective. It’s not the internal impulse that can distract you from the work at hand, but actually the outside interruptions you must manage.

To learn more about how introversion and extroversion can impact business, check out this visual from Fundera:

How Introverts and Extroverts differ in owning and operating a small business

Contributed by Drew Page, Siege Media

Categories Introverts at Work
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Packing Tips for Introverts

by Guest
February 26th, 2018

baggage

If you’re an introvert heading to a conference, family reunion or vacation with friends, a few well-chosen items in your baggage can go a long way toward protecting your energy levels and increasing your enjoyment of your trip. Here are ten to consider:

  1. Snacks: Larger hotels usually offer a good choice of healthy food, but if you’re attending a smaller event, you may find coffee and donuts are the only options. To avoid a sugar crash, pack snacks which travel well, like apples or small bags of nuts.
  2. Herbal tea or packets of hot chocolate: A comforting drink will help you relax at the end of the day or any time you feel frazzled. If there’s a pod-style coffee maker in your room, use one of the herbal tea pods and then save it for re-use with your own tea bag or hot chocolate powder.
  3. A few home comforts like cozy socks, an eye mask and ear plugs. Your downtime will feel more relaxing if you bring small, familiar items with you.
  4. Comfortable shoes: If it’s safe to leave the venue for a short walk, you’ll get a double boost from the fresh air and solo time.
  5. Headphones: Aside from listening to soothing music or following along with a meditation app, headphones are an effective signal to others that you’re not open to conversation right now.
  6. Headache pills: As an introvert, you may find extended high-energy interactions trigger headaches. Pop a few over-the-counter pills in your bag, just in case. And if you’re prone to migraines, don’t leave home without your preferred medications.
  7. A soothing scent: Slip a scented sachet of lavender, chamomile or bergamot into your pocket and you can take an aromatherapy break whenever you feel impending overwhelm. If you’d like to make your own, there are plenty of instructions online for combining rice and essential oil in a fabric pouch.
  8. A shortlist of people you’d love to connect with: At a professional event, focus on quality over quantity. Identify in advance 3-5 people you’d love to meet and aim for a short, meaningful conversation. Don’t feel you have to chat with hordes of new contacts.
  9. Items which show, rather than tell: For a professional event, bring business cards as a minimum. But if you have brochures, books or small products, be sure to carry them with you. Your “exhibits” move the focus away from you and onto the benefits you can offer. For a social reunion, a few photos can be a helpful way of bringing others up to date.
  10. A quiet pastime: For a social gathering, consider bringing something which encourages activity instead of mere talking. A jigsaw puzzle, for example, allows friends or family to assemble and collaborate, but lowers the buzz to a level introverts may find more sustainable.

You may not want to bring all ten items along on every trip, but thoughtful packing can preserve both your stamina and sanity, enabling you to get the most out of your stay. I’d love to hear what other self-care items you include in your kit.

Pauline Wiles
Pauline Wiles is an author, Anglophile and serenity seeker. An unapologetic introvert, she believes self-awareness is the foundation of happiness.

Download your free “Perfect Day” Workbook at http://www.paulinewiles.com/serenity-project/

 

photo credit: Holiday Gems UK

Categories General
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Tips for Introverts to Thrive at Networking Events

by Guest
January 27th, 2018

handshakeIf the thought of attending networking events make you physically sick to your stomach you will likely find any excuse to avoid them. It’s almost certain you will find yourself attending such a social event as you navigate your professional and personal life. Whether you are introverted or not, lots of people are not comfortable with public speaking but most do not suffer from the introvert’s level of social anxiety.

Approaching networking events tactfully and strategically will certainly garner you valuable experiences and relationships. The first step is to have a premeditated plan requiring research of the venue, subject matter, and guest list. Utilizing LinkedIn, Twitter, and other social media platforms it is quite easy to do surface level research about nearly every professional. This research will not only allow you to more easily recall names once introduced, you will also be able to brainstorm possible talking points. Once prepared, the event will be far less stressful and you can focus on your body language, compliments, and location during the event.

After the event comes important but often overlooked step, follow up. If you had any memorable conversations or actionable relationships, make sure you are fresh in their mind. Even introverts can come to master networking events. If you want to become a more effective networker as an introvert, put these tips from GetVoIP into action.

Tips for Introverts to Thrive at Networking Events

Photo by TeroVesalainen / Pixabay

Drew Page

 

Drew is a content marketing specialist focused on creating amazing content for businesses, entrepreneurs and employees to thrive.

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Stay Home and Read Books

by Janet
January 6th, 2018

My friend went to New York City last year and brought back a bunch of postcards from Strand Book Store. When she told me to pick one for myself, I was immediately drawn to this one, for obvious reasons.

Stay Home and Read Books

Here’s the artist bio from the back of the postcard:

Olivia Mew @stayhomeclubofficial) was an illustrator until she started an apparel brand called Stay Home Club. She lives in Montreal and everything she owns is covered in cat hair.

Intrigued, I sought out the Stay Home Club website, where I learned this:

Stay Home Club is a range of lifestyle products for people with no life. We are a club that never meets, but a club nonetheless. Each order is shipped with a membership card. One of us. One of us.

Wow, a clothing line for introverts – whodathunkit?

Here in Ontario, we’ve been having record lows this winter (brrr) so staying home to read books is even more appealing than usual!

I decided I’d like to read more non-fiction this year, but it seems to be taking over my reading life. My plan was to read about one non-fiction book per month, or about one out of four, but I haven’t read a novel since I finished Be Frank with Me by Julia Claiborne Johnson on Christmas Eve. With nothing lined up, I opened the Overdrive app on my iPad to see what was available from my “To Read” list on Goodreads. I chose A Long Way Home by Saroo Brierley because I’d really enjoyed the movie Lion which was based on it. Maybe my amazement at the unfolding of events was a big part of my enjoyment, because I didn’t enjoy the book quite as much, which is really unusual.

I’m currently reading You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero, because it was recommended by my husband as well as a few other people I know. It has some really good stuff in it, and I’ll probably read it again later, even though staying home and reading books isn’t one of her recommended success strategies.

Next up is Mom & Me & Mom, Maya Angelou’s autobiography #7, which we’ll be discussing at book club later this month. We read #1 in the series, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, last year and loved it, so it should be good.

I’m thinking it will be nearly a month between the time I finished my last novel and start the next one, so I’d better pick a good one!

What are you reading these days?

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How to Use Introversion as a Secret Weapon in Your Career

by Guest
October 9th, 2017

How to Use Introversion as a Secret Weapon in Your CareerWhy is it that only extroverts get to enjoy professional success? Extroversion is only one side of the same potentially valuable coin of personal energy utilization, and discouraged introverts are falling to the wayside. Rise up, introverts! Here are some of the most effective ways in which your unique perspective can help you become more professionally successful.

Self-reflection

Being an introvert immediately gives you a greater capacity to reflect on yourself and figure out more valuable things about the way that you fundamentally work as a human being. In your solitude, you can come to a greater understanding about the machinations of your mind and how they can culminate into the kind of habits that are conducive to success.

Productive down-time

The time that you spend on your own doesn’t have to be time that you spend just sitting on your hands and staring at the wall. While you are recharging and alone with your thoughts, you can productively use that time to get things done that you may not have been able to during the bulk of the day. From chores around the house to personal creative projects, indulging your introversion with a little bit of alone time can be great for getting more done.

Better listening skills

Because introversion means that you are less focused on just getting all of your words out into the air, being a good listener will come more naturally to you. While a lot of extroverts are talented at getting people engaged in their interesting stories, people appreciate a person who makes them feel interesting even more. As an introvert, you have an innate power to validate people with the feeling of being around someone who really cares about what they have to say; in many cases, this will make them want to interact with you even more.

Mindfulness

Though many extroverts can have a very energizing aura, one of the downsides of always being “on” as the center of social attention is that it can steal attention away from the little important things. Introversion lends itself to mindfulness, giving you a greater ability to step back and become fully cognizant of the minor elements in your surroundings and your state of mind. Through mindful inward analysis of your environment, you can potentially gain an even greater ability to thrive in it than you would if you tried to actively control it with overwhelming outward energy.

Summary

Nowhere in a set of leadership program requirements will you find extroversion as a prerequisite for career success — only a “drive for upward career mobility” (WGU). Mindfulness, productivity, listening skills, and self-reflection are all powerful tools of the successful introvert. Just as extroverted people can utilize their personality to leverage more connections in their careers, introverted people are just as capable of using their unique disposition to benefit themselves professionally.

Shae Holland
 
Shae Holland is a single mother and professional copywriter. She’s passionate about healthy living, loves hunting, and adores her ​two springer spaniels.

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5 Reasons Getting an Online Masters Degree is the Best Choice for the Working Introvert

by Guest
September 25th, 2017

online educationToday, if you want to earn a master’s degree there are several ways to go about it. One option is to take courses online. For an introvert who works at a full-time job, taking classes online may seem like a dream come true. Consider five reasons why earning an online master’s degree is an excellent option for an introvert who’s holding down a full-time job.

Learn at Your Own Pace

When extroverts socialize, they get a surge of energy from the interaction. However, for introverts, it’s just the opposite. Socializing drains the energy of an introvert. The back and forth discussions that take place in a traditional classroom tax an introvert’s supply of energy.

Online courses take this sort of interaction out of the equation. Plus, students can learn independently at their own pace. If a student doesn’t understand a portion of a lesson, they can review it over and over again until it’s clear. When that happens, the student can move on to tackle the next lesson. This type of learning makes it easier for an introvert to get the most out of each class in a master’s program.

Study Independently

In a traditional classroom, an introvert may feel obligated to join a study group or go to the library to pair up with another student in the same course. Sometimes, the distraction of fellow students in a study group can detract from an introvert’s ability to absorb lesson material.

In an online course, students usually study independently because there aren’t many (if any) other students nearby. They also don’t have to worry about classes conflicting with work schedules. This independent study means they can dictate how fast they progress on various lessons, and they’ll have better success at earning a master’s degree.

Avoid Traveling to a Traditional School

One of the biggest advantages of earning a degree online is students don’t have to get into the car and drive to a school. Instead, someone earning an online master of business administration degree can simply participate in class from a quiet room at home or in a study room at the local library.

All the student needs is a suitable learning environment with reliable access to the Internet. In addition to being convenient, an introvert with a full-time job doesn’t have to spend time on the road commuting to work as well as to school and juggling classes with their job. They can spend more time on studying.

Get Questions Answered Promptly

Asking questions about a lesson, homework or a chapter in a textbook can help clarify confusing topics in a course. In a traditional classroom, you might wait until the class period is over to ask the instructor a question, not wanting to draw attention to themselves. But if you’re in an online course, you can ask questions at any time. Send an email or even ask questions via private message. Getting prompt answers helps students move through the material at pace with the instructor.

Conserve Energy for Study Time and Work

Socializing with other students in a traditional classroom can drain a lot of energy from an introvert. Taking online courses to earn a master’s degree allows you to focus on learning as much as possible, when you can. In a way, online learning streamlines the process of earning a degree, especially for individuals who work full-time.

Finally, choosing to earn an online degree can help an introvert or any other professional move up in their current occupation. It can also be the first step on a new career path in the field of your choice. Online learning puts a master’s degree within reach of more people than ever before.

Claire Stewart
Claire Stewart is a freelance writer and blogger focused on writing about health, travel, and business among other topics. She graduated from Washington State University and currently lives in Seattle with her goldfish, Merlin. Follow her on Twitter: @clairestewart08

 

Photo credit: Mr_Stein Online Test = Open CHEAT! via photopin (license)

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