Introvert Retreat

Are You Being Taken Advantage of? How Introverts Can Stand Up for Themselves

by Guest

September 15th, 2017

There are a lot of introverts out there who do not reveal themselves to people often. This is perfectly normal. You are who are you, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. Being an introvert can sometimes make it hard to fight back if you are being taken advantage of, but the following tips may help give you some agency and the confidence to stand up for yourself.

Digital Wall

One of the easiest things you can do is use what might be called a “digital wall”. The internet has given introverts the opportunity to speak about their issues with someone or a situation online without confronting someone face to face. You can send a mass email or an email directly to the person causing trauma to express how the issue is affecting you. Hopefully, your sincere words will make this person or group of people understand. Heading off a conflict directly is usually the best way to resolve it. Don’t be afraid to use a digital screen to approach problems face on.

Helping Hand

Most people have someone they can turn to. This is a mediator of sorts, and you probably have someone like this that you can turn to. You want to talk to this person if you feel like you are being taken advantage of. This person should be able to bring up the issue on your behalf to see if the problem can be resolved with a simple conversation. Mediators are there to break the ice and make it easier for you to talk. If you can, use a good friend as a mediator if you don’t have anyone who can speak for you.

Professional Assistance

It is important to recognize when it is time to take serious steps against someone who might be abusing you. It might not be easy to confront this person, but you can simply talk to a professional. For example, you might approach your HR department first or talk to your boss before confronting an abuser. This person is going to be your shield and your voice, so you want to make sure it is someone you can trust and someone you can give evidence to.

Slow-Burn Boost

Asserting yourself as introvert takes time because it can be hard to believe in yourself. One thing that an introvert can do to empower him or herself is to take self-empowering classes. For example, you can take kick-boxing classes or other self-defense classes. These types of lessons help an introvert find courage from within, which may help you stand up for yourself later on. This may take some time to develop, but it should be worth it.

Hopefully, these tips help guide you in the right direction. Granted, these are just some of the things you can do to stand up for yourself, but there are others. You can talk to life coaches or others with life experience to help unlock the hidden power within you.

Eileen O’Shanassy is a freelance writer and blogger based out of Flagstaff, AZ. She writes on a variety of topics and loves to research and write. She enjoys baking, biking, and kayaking. Check out her Twitter @eileenoshanassy.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : assertiveness

Comments (0)

How to Make the Most of Meetings if You’re an Introvert

by Guest

August 29th, 2017

team meeting

Do you ever struggle to contribute during meetings? Do you wonder how to talk more?

When I first started at my current job several years ago, I had the hardest time chiming in during meetings. While my colleagues were exchanging and evaluating ideas, I sat quietly. I was engaged, and I was listening, but I seldom spoke up for one of two reasons: I either couldn’t think of anything to say during the meeting, or I didn’t know how to jump into a faced-paced conversation.

As a result, I left many meetings wondering what people thought of me and wishing I’d said more. The frustrating thing was that as soon as I’d return to my workspace a flood of ideas and insights related to what was discussed would rush into my mind.

It can be hard to be the introvert in a meeting. You know you have valuable ideas and insights, but the environment makes sharing difficult. Fortunately, there are few hacks that’ll significantly improve your meeting experiences.

Do you want to know how to talk more during a meeting? Find out how to share more of your ideas and insights with your team when you’re all together.

1. Prepare in Advance.

One of the best ways you can improve your meeting experiences is to prepare in advance. It doesn’t have to take a long time either. Five to ten minutes will usually suffice.

Start by getting the meeting agenda. If your supervisor hasn’t given you one, ask for one. Explain that it’ll help you contribute better ideas.

Then, look at the planned topics, and prioritize them from most important to least important. Determine which of the most important topics you could stand to research, gather the information you need on it, and put your thoughts down on paper.

Writing out your thoughts is key. Doing so will help you determine what you want to say and enable you to communicate it clearly. Remember too that your notes are for your eyes only. Don’t worry about writing a polished piece. Bullet points are enough.

2. Assert Yourself.

If you want to find out how to talk more during meetings, watch people who do talk a lot. Whereas introverts feel less comfortable in meetings, extroverts are at home in them. They prefer to bounce their ideas off of other people, and they don’t mind interrupting a colleague to make a point. Furthermore, they don’t stress about having their thoughts together. They just start talking and build from there.

While I don’t suggest you ramble or talk just to talk, I do recommend you take a page out of an extrovert’s book and try sharing ideas before they’re perfect. We introverts tend to want to share only thorough, articulate solutions and insights, so, more often than not, we end up saying nothing at all. Try to break free of this tendency from time to time, and share an idea before it’s fully formed. Let the group help you work it out.

Better yet, wait until you have an idea that is well-formed – one that you’ve prepped using the agenda – and jump into the conversation. Go ahead, and talk overtop of someone else if you need to, especially if this is what other people are doing.

Some people don’t mind being interrupted or cut off. They don’t take it personally. If you listen to what they have to say most of the time and you treat them with respect, you’ll be in an even better position to push your way into a conversation on occasion.

3. Email Your Thoughts.

A difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts think to talk while extroverts talk to think. Don’t be surprised, then, when you have trouble sharing during a meeting. That environment is not conducive to thinking. If you’re listening – really listening – you’ll won’t have enough space to think and get your ideas together, and few introverts contribute well on the fly.

Even if you’ve prepared in advance, you’ll likely still need to do additional thinking after the meeting. New ideas, questions, problems, and insights will arise when you get together with your colleagues, and you’ll need time to mull them over. When you get back to your desk and you start to reflect, that’s when all of the great ideas will hit you.

Make the most of them. If you want to know how to talk more during meetings, try doing it in writing. Once you’ve had enough time to think, compose a brief email in the quiet of your workspace, and send it to the meeting participants. Writing will not only afford you space to think, it’ll also enable you to share your thoughts more articulately than you probably could have in conversation.

4. Remember: Quantity Doesn’t Equal Quality.

Whether you share during a meeting or send an email after it’s through, remember that you don’t have to say a lot to contribute meaningfully.

One great idea expressed in a single sentence can trump a thousand words.Click To Tweet

Lean into your introverted strength of listening. Take in all your colleagues are saying. Analyze, evaluate, and synthesize. Then, surprise your colleagues with a clever solution or insight.

In Quiet Influence, Jennifer Kahnweiler tells the story of an introvert leader who sat through meetings without saying a word. To anyone who didn’t know the him, he appeared disengaged and detached. His team, however, knew what was really going on; he was tracking the whole time. At the end of meetings, he’d pull together everything that was said, highlight the key points, and make insightful observations. His team always benefited immensely from his thoughts.

When it comes to meetings, you don’t need to know how to talk more. You just need to lean into your introverted strengths and contribute in a way that works for you, while recognizing different isn’t wrong.

How do you make the most of meetings? What would you say to a fellow introvert who’s wondering how to talk more? Add to the conversation in the comments below!

Bo Miller is an introvert blogger, podcaster, and teacher. He’s also a certified Myers-Briggs practitioner.

You can check out his work at https://ispeakpeople.com.

Categories Introverts at Work

Tags : communication, meetings

Comments (0)

How to Make Your Home an Introvert Haven

by Guest

August 18th, 2017

How to Make Your Home an Introvert Haven Being an introvert can be difficult, especially when everything around you feels so hectic and fast-paced. If you’re a homeowner or renter, you need to make your place as introvert-friendly as possible. If you can make your down-time as calm and peaceful as possible, engaging in more extroverted activity won’t seem as daunting once you make the plunge. Use thse ideas to make your house a haven, and to work your introverted nature to your advantage.

Keep Things Quiet

Introverts generally love quiet spaces at home, so it’s important to work to keep things this way. This might mean using noise-cancelling insulation, or investing in better quality windows that don’t allow sound to penetrate through as easily. Keep indoor noises to a minimum as much as possible. If you have noisy pets, like birds or dogs, consider moving them to a different room where they will still feel wanted, but won’t be so boisterous.

Add Security

One way to feel extra comfortable at home is to add a home security package or app. These packages enable you to keep your home fully secured and give you the peace of mind you need when at home alone or with a group of close friends or relatives. Nowadays you can improve your ADT security system with home automation. While these packages can be a bit pricey at first, they will be a great boon to you as an introvert. Some monitor the door, telling you who is there so you can decide if it’s worth the energy to socialize or not.

Keep Guests to a Minimum

Guests need to be kept to a minimum in order for your home to truly feel like a haven and relaxing place to enjoy your own company. Try not to make it a habit to invite people over in large groups, and keep gatherings to a minimum throughout the year. If you must invite guests over, it’s important you work to ensure they are not over for long periods of time, and that the parties are as quiet as possible. Create a schedule to yourself and limit guests or parties to just a few a month or year.

Rework Your Furnishings

One thing a lot of introverts don’t like is a lot of clutter. It can become incredibly overwhelming for anyone, especially introverts, to be in a house so overly cluttered and disorganized. In order to make things easier on yourself or a loved one, rework the furnishings so they look organized. Get rid of items and objects you both don’t need or use. Try to keep the home as tidy as possible, and consider investing in maid service or a self-cleaning vacuum to keep housework to a minimum for yourself.

The Right Temperature

Being an introvert means you might spend more time indoors. This is fine, so long as you’re totally comfortable at all times. One way to encourage more comfort is to invest in good quality air conditioning and heating that is easy to maintain and change. This allows you or your introverted loved one the ability to feel comfortable staying inside for as long as they’d like.

As an introvert, you want your home to be as comfortable, quiet, and safe as possible. This is easy to do if you put the right work into the process. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money either, as you’ll find a quick tidy-over to your home and a reworking of your furnishings does an amazing job at getting the space to look clean and energizing.

Categories General

Tags : home, introversion

Comments (0)

Public Speaking: 6 Ways to Calm Your Nerves

by Hazel Thornton

August 8th, 2017

Do you ever have to teach a class? Make a presentation? Give an interview? Appear on radio or television?

As an introvert (especially if you are also shy), do you relish such public speaking opportunities? Are you always cool, calm, and collected? Ack, me neither!

If you’re anything like me your mind races with thoughts: How do I look? How am I going to sound? Why did I say yes to this? What if I don’t know the answer? What if nobody comes? When will it all be over?

We all have a choice: We can hole up in our homes where we are safe, and miss out on opportunities. Or, we can brave the outside world — for a little while — and benefit from all it has to offer.

Here are my 6 tips for calming your nerves before a public speaking event:

Know your subject. Usually if someone has asked me to speak to a group, or participate in a public forum, it’s because I am an expert on some topic in their eyes. They might be wanting to know about getting organized, or about a unique experience I’ve had. Sometimes, ironically, I speak about being introverted! It really helps if it’s a topic you are knowledgeable and passionate about, as described in this article. But, whether it’s a new or old topic, do your research, prepare, and practice. Just like everyone else prepares for an appearance.
Dress comfortably. You want to look nice, sure. But if you don’t speak often, and don’t generally wear 3-inch heels and makeup, this might not be the best time to start. Your personality will shine if you aren’t worried about how you look, and how itchy that new sweater is that you forgot to try on in advance.
Create a mantra and use it. Or use mine. I created this one for myself in college, to combat test anxiety. I call it “The 3 C’s”. Basically, I say this to myself: “I ____________ calmly, carefully, and confidently.” (Where fill in the blank can be take tests, make presentations, answer questions, etc. Whatever fits the situation at hand.) To elaborate, what I do is to breathe deeply between each phrase, and repeat the phrase 3 times, like this:

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

That’s it. Don’t skip the deep breathing! (That’s probably the most important part.) I do this whenever I start feeling insecure about the upcoming event. I do it on the drive over to the event. Sometimes, if I need to, I excuse myself to the restroom to do it just before I’m “on”.

Remind yourself, “It’s not about me.” They just want to know what your experience was like. Or, they just want to learn something from you. Or, they just want some useful tips and inspiration. Sure, they’re all looking at you, but they’re mostly concerned about themselves. Remind yourself, too, that if the event was advertised, and they knew who you were and still chose to come see you, they probably already like you!
Think of a time when you were super-successful and felt really good about it. Bonus points if it had to do with a previous public appearance. Did you feel confident that time? Did you get a standing ovation? Did someone come up to you right afterward, or later, and tell you how much your comments meant to them? Do you have a photo of the occasion? If so, take it with you. Or, at least remember the occasion, and how it felt, in as much detail as you can summon, when you feel nervous.
Imagine it’s just the two of you. I’ve heard that many of the most famous public speakers in the world are introverts. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? Who would want to talk to 20 people, much less 200 or 2000? But when you think about it, when you are in front of an audience, it’s just you and them, right? Think of it as two entities having an intimate conversation, not dozens or hundreds of entities. And this time (for the most part) you’ll have a chance to finish your thoughts without interruption!

Click here for some more tips from Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I haven’t read them yet because I didn’t want them to influence my post. But I’m such a fan, how can they go wrong?

Do you think my tips will work for you?

How do you calm yourself before a public appearance?

Please share with us in the comments below!

Hazel Thornton is a professional organizer and genealogist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico; creator of The Clutter Flow Chart Collection; and author of Go with the Flow! The Clutter-Clearing Tool Kit for an Organized Life. Visit her online at www.org4life.com.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness
Comments (1)

What This Introvert Asks Herself Every Day

by Guest

August 8th, 2017

I’m sitting in a chair in my kindergarten class with my head in my hands, sobbing my little heart out. My class-mates are all around me with their heads tilted back with laughter.

This is my first memory, growing up, and it is the start of my years of bullying. It is also the point I noticed my social anxiety, not to mention the shyness I still deal with.

Being the victim of bullying for as long as I have, the effects of it are still prevalent in my personality. I’m the quiet type that rarely speaks up in class or even at my job in customer service.

How do you deal with social anxiety when it’s such a big part of your life for so long? Do you push it under the rug or do you do something about it?

Why can’t you be like other people who are happy to talk to people about mundane things? When we’re called on in class, why is our first reaction to become freaked out?

These are all questions I’ve asked myself during my journey of social anxiety. These are questions I know I may never get an answer to but I ask them in my mind anyway.

1. How do you deal with social anxiety when it’s such a big part of your life?

For me, social anxiety has been a part of my life since I was a young woman. I remember my father telling me about his own dealings with it as a child.

Recalling those conversations years later made me realize I have the same condition. He had told them to me as a young woman but I forgot about the conversation until I was a junior in high school.

By then, I had been dealing with the anxiety for a couple years. It came to life when I was first learning how to drive as a sophomore in high school.

I’ll never forget the stress of high school, nor the diagnosis of my anxiety disorder years later. It was after college that I got diagnosed but it stuck with me.

2. Do you push it under the rug or do you do something about it?

For me, the answer is rather obvious: do something about it. It took me years to do that but I put my foot down after those years. I couldn’t stand living with the anxiety any longer so I took action.

I now have a therapist I enjoy speaking to on a monthly basis. I also have medication for the first time in three years that hasn’t made me have adverse side-effects.

That was my one goal in all this: to find the middle ground I’ve heard so many stories about. It shouldn’t have taken this long but I took the road I needed to take.

3. Why can’t you be like extroverted people?

This question always baffles me, especially if it comes from other people. I’ve heard people ask me this quite often if I’m being especially quiet over a period of time.

It doesn’t particularly bother me but it does bring up a valuable discussion between us. We aren’t all wired the same. Some people prefer to be talkative while others don’t like to speak as much.

It’s alright to have days where you don’t text anyone, let alone call them on the phone. Extroverts might not realize how much anxiety it causes if the extrovert calls them.

This is especially true for me since I grew up in customer service. I had to answer the telephone for my parents’ small business, which exhausted me on a mental level.

I was never good at speaking to people over a telephone, let alone face-to-face. So the thought of answering a telephone for a living is a thought full of dread.

4. Why is my first reaction to stutter when I’m called on about something?

I can remember those times in class when I wasn’t paying attention and I’m called on by the teacher. He or she asks a question of me and I’ve heard half of it at most.

I don’t know the answer to the question and it’s killing me as I stall for time to answer it. I’m stuttering something unintelligible while I’m blushing like crazy.

I couldn’t be more embarrassed, especially when I ask the teacher to repeat the question. I realize I’ve stalled too long, which means the teacher must know it too. Why else am I getting that nasty face?

It brings the worst kind of shame to the anxious person if you’re calling them out for being so quiet. Chances are, you’re interrupting some sort of thought process.

We probably heard you the first time but we’re thinking about a way to answer you. Don’t make it worse by embarrassing us. I’m begging you!

The introvert may have heard you the first time but they’re thinking about a way to answer you. Don’t make it worse by embarrassing them. I’m begging you!

Lisa Fourman is a freelance writer in the mental health niche and the founder of Mystique MGMT. She plans to use her brand as a vessel to make mental illness less of a taboo subject at the dinner table. You can visit her website at http://lisafourman.com.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : children, shyness, social anxiety

Comments (0)

Seek and You Will Find (A Wife)

by Guest

July 24th, 2017

happy couple

A few years ago, I felt as though I’d never get married. I assumed my future wife and I would meet as we were going about our business. But no such meeting ever took place.

Then, I read something that radically changed my perspective:

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22). That word find jumped out at me.

There are usually two ways you find something:

You stumble upon it like you would a five dollar bill that’s laying on a sidewalk.
You search for it like you search for your keys when you’re trying to leave for work.

While both are legitimate ways to find something, I couldn’t help but wonder if the second was the way I needed to approach marriage. Maybe I wasn’t finding a wife because I expected to randomly bump into her on the sidewalk when I should be actively looking for her.

Taking Action

A changed man, I did the first thing I could think of: I made a list. Since I make lists for everything else in life that I’m serious about, why not make a list of admirable girls?

Next, I picked up my phone and started calling. It was, at first, nerve-racking. I feared being rejected. But I’d also gotten to the point where I was more sick of waiting around than I was worried about whether or not a girl would reject me.

Ultimately, my list never produced – at least not in the way that I’d expected it to. All the ladies turned me down: “Oh, that’s so nice of you to ask… Actually, I’m busy that night (and every other night you want to hang out).”

Admittedly, I felt a bit discouraged. But I had gained invaluable knowledge: I learned where the dead ends were and, thus, stopped wondering and daydreaming about potential relationships. I, instead, reinvested my energies where I figured they’d yield the best results. What I learned was worth the effort.

The Payoff

But how did the list help?

Though it hadn’t produced a wife, my list was developing my character. Every time I called a girl, I strengthened my courage muscles. Active searching also prepared me for opportunities that weren’t even on my radar when I started out.

Unbeknownst to me, my dad had caught wind of an awesome girl. (Some friends from church had told him about her.) A few months earlier, I would have chickened out of meeting her. Now, however, I was a somewhat primed and willing to take a risk.

We eventually met, and, after about 15 months, got married.

My story boils down to a few gold nuggets.

Key Principles

1. Take action.

As an intuitive introvert, I tend to spend more time dreaming about the future than I spend taking action. I think, act, and then think, unlike extroverts who act, think, and then act. What I needed most was to “get out there” and do something. No amount of thinking alone could have changed my circumstances.

2. Get the car moving.

I’m an idealist. I want to know that the end will turn out picture perfect from the beginning. But that’s just not reality. Life is usually a series of pivots and course corrections on the road to a destination. It’s almost never a straight line. If you want to arrive at a destination – in this case, marriage – you have to get the car rolling, says author Jeff Goins. Then, and only then, you’ll be able to steer and course correct as necessary.

3. Don’t let negative feedback weigh you down.

Don’t let fear of rejection keep you from asking girls out. A “no” is as helpful as a “yes”. The sooner you find out who’s interested, the sooner you’ll be able to get to know her. Have an abundance mindset and remind yourself, as Michael Hyatt does, “There’s more where that came from.”

4. Opportunities will open up.

Our neighbor drives a Scion xB. I’d never seen that car before. However, now that I’m aware of it, I see it everywhere. The crazy thing about action is that it opens up opportunities. As soon as you make up your mind to go for a goal, you start seeing possibilities that you’ve never seen before, like seeing a new model of car that you’ve just become aware of. Your unconscious mind, and all your mental resources, work together on your behalf.

5. Network.

I’d likely still be single if it wasn’t for my dad and his friends. I knew a limited amount of girls. So, no matter how hard and long I worked to connect with them, my efforts could only go so far. But Dad’s friends new people I didn’t. And, in turn, their friends new still others. When my dad networked, he multiplied my chances for success.

If you want to get married, you need to take action.

What’s keeps you on the sidelines?

Bo Miller is an introvert blogger, podcaster, and teacher, who’s also a certified Myers-Briggs practitioner. He blogs at I Speak People.

Bo has taught for 7 years and holds a Masters of Arts in Education.

Categories Relationships

Tags : marriage, socializing

Comments (0)

Networking for Introverts

by Hazel Thornton

May 19th, 2017

Networking Introverts

There’s no shortage of posts on the topic of business networking here on Introvert Retreat. Who wants to stand around making small talk in a noisy room full of strangers? Ack!

But I want to tell you about some recent experiences that indicate real hope for introverts!

I wrote a post – also called Networking for Introverts – for my own website, which covers the following topics:

The “Networking for Introverts” session I recently presented at my annual National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) conference in Pittsburgh, PA.
How it was inspired by Susan Cain’s TED Talk and her two books.
Why I now call myself a “professional introvert”, including a follow-up to my blog post here on Introvert Retreat called Introverts: The Next Generation.
TIPS for networking your way
TIPS for setting your own networking agenda
TIPS for introverts who are also shy
What Meyers-Briggs and rubber bands have to do with it.
How I was recognized — and surprised — in a BIG WAY for contributing quietly in my own little introverted way!
What makes the President of NAPO a true leader.

Ready to join me? Click here to read Networking for Introverts!

Please comment either there, or right here, below, and share your networking challenges and strategies with us.

Dare I ask you to comment in both places? Thanks!

Introverts Unite! Separately. In your own homes. LOL!

Categories Business Networking
Comments (2)

Spring is in the Air

by Janet

May 1st, 2017

This is one of my favourite times of year. After months of short, cold, grey days, it’s so energizing to see the sun more and more and for longer stretches of time.

It’s so easy to go into hibernation during the winter months when you work from home, especially if you’re inclined to introversion as it is. But once the spring comes, who can resist setting work aside, even for half an hour, to get out and enjoy the fresh air?

Yesterday the twig was brown and bare;

To-day the glint of green is there;

Tomorrow will be leaflets spare;

I know no thing so wondrous fair,

No miracle so strangely rare.

I wonder what will next be there!

L.H. Bailey, American horticulturist, botanist and cofounder of the American Society for Horticultural Science (1858-1954)

What’s your favourite season, and why?

Categories Contemplation
Comments (2)

A job interview toolkit for introverts

by Guest

January 30th, 2017

If you consider yourself to be an introvert, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that the job interview process is designed to make you fail. An introvert processes their experiences internally: rather than bouncing ideas and responses off the people around you, you probably prefer to quietly contemplate new information by yourself and to respond to it in your own good time. It doesn’t sound ideal when you’re up against an interview panel, does it? Well, good news: being an introvert, you have plenty of other positive traits with which you can balance your approach to the process.

For example, as an introvert you are likely better at connecting with individuals than with groups. Because a panel is usually only a small ‘group’ of two or three people, you can demonstrate your engagement and your personal skills by making a connection with each of them individually, rather than playing to the crowd. You can already see how this may be more impressive than the extrovert approach of treating the panel as a multi-headed monster!

The good people at CashNetUSA have identified a whole toolkit of such approaches to help introverted candidates make the most of their special powers when they’re most needed. Check it out ahead of your next interview, and you’re sure to turn up primed to wow your potential new boss.

About the author: Marilyn Vinch

Marilyn is London-based freelance writer who enjoys writing (and reading!) about the challenges small businesses face, human resources, leadership, personal growth, and working smarter. She is a digital nomad who loves travelling and immersing herself in different cultures. Follow her on Twitter: @mary_vinch

Categories Introverts at Work

Tags : job search

Comments (0)

Alternatives to Bragging for Introverts

by Guest

December 17th, 2016

woman Whether it concerns getting ahead on the job or attracting clients, most people associate marketing oneself with bragging. On the surface, this makes perfect sense. How else could you call attention to your virtues, talents and capabilities than by talking them up in a prideful way?

This seemingly obvious point gets introverts in particular into a mental tangle. We want recognition and rewards. But this appears to require self-promotional behavior that doesn’t fit our reserved personality. Introverts are never the ones who raise our arms and voices around strangers, proclaiming “Look at me!” or “Aren’t I the greatest?”

As a marketing consultant who regularly helps quiet, competent experts explain what they have to offer, let me describe several ways to undo this mental knot. You can help others appreciate your intelligence, deftness, creativity, years of experience or other superior qualities without being obnoxious or self-important. Try some or all of these techniques.

Let others do the talking

When someone who isn’t related to you praises you, it’s highly credible in most cases. And while it may cause you to blush, that’s not bragging. Introverts in business usually can bring themselves to ask for and use testimonials and endorsements. One way to pose the request: “I’m revising my website [or bio], and I wonder if you would write a few sentences about what it’s like to work with me [or about the results you’ve gotten from working with me]. Thanks!”

In conversation, you can take the boastfulness out of anything complementary you might say about yourself by putting it in terms of “People say that I…” Some people I know sidestep bragging by networking in pairs, with each one introducing the other when they meet new people. Claudia enjoys expressing her admiration of Robert in that setting, and vice versa.

Use the third person

In writing, you get some psychological distance from discussing your accomplishments when you talk about “he” or “she” rather than “I.” Many introverts find it easier to compose a strong, persuasive bio if they write as if it’s about someone they know well, not quite themselves.

I don’t recommend using this technique in conversation, however. You’ll seem stuffy, imperial or downright bonkers if you talk about yourself by your name.

Highlight facts and credentials

You may have heard the saying, “If it’s true, saying so isn’t bragging.” Introverts will feel more comfortable sharing items of information that are incontrovertible facts, such as degrees earned, awards won, firsts achieved, years in the field and so on. These contrast with subjective claims like “best at knitting” or “most knowledgeable accountant.”

accomplishment

Show, don’t tell

Sometimes you can keep quiet and let a demonstration do the talking. I will never forget an eight-minute video I watched of a business coach uncovering a lifelong issue a client hadn’t realized about herself and pointing the way toward the client resolving it. “What incredible skill that coach has,” I thought.

Besides videos, demonstrations can take the form of written case studies or articles.

Create a context that is larger than yourself

Frame your achievements as the success of a cause, if that applies, rather than a halo for you as an individual. For example, “For more than 15 years, I’ve worked hard to make sure that children in my community have enough to eat.” Or, “My third novel helped people understand the social, psychological and familial impact of long-term unemployment.”

Be visible

People assume that the one who shows up repeatedly is the one who knows their stuff. If you are the one who answers questions knowledgeably on forums or discussion lists or at company strategy sessions, folks take note. The same principle applies if you lead committees, do media interviews, put together position papers or spearhead a community change project.

Once someone who called me up to hire me as a consultant explained, “I heard about you twice in one day, from different people, so I knew you were the one I needed to work with.”

Change your mindset

Often introverts freak out at the prospect of promoting themselves because they assume it requires them to turn into a gasbag, a loudmouth or an egomaniac. Think of it instead as simply providing information that enables others to make up their minds about you. By following the methods above, you can do this both inoffensively and in a way that enables you to receive your fair share of society’s rewards.

Since 2010, veteran marketer and author Marcia Yudkin has focused on advocating for introverts, explaining how to promote oneself without hype, manipulation, name-dropping or braggadocio. She is the author of 6 Steps to Free Publicity, Persuading People to Buy and numerous other books, as well as the ebook, audiobook and online course “Marketing for Introverts.”

Marcia’s No-Hype Marketing Academy: http://courses.yudkin.com/
Twitter: @marciasmantras
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/marciayudkin
Website: http://www.yudkin.com

Categories Introverts at Work

Tags : self-promotion

Comments (1)

How to Make the Most of Meetings if You’re an Introvert

1. Prepare in Advance.

2. Assert Yourself.

3. Email Your Thoughts.

4. Remember: Quantity Doesn’t Equal Quality.

How to Make Your Home an Introvert Haven

Keep Things Quiet

Add Security

Keep Guests to a Minimum

Rework Your Furnishings

The Right Temperature

Seek and You Will Find (A Wife)

Taking Action

The Payoff