I read an interesting article this week which begins:

Self-described introverts often say, “It’s so easy for extroverts to network. They are not shy about approaching someone they don’t know or introducing themselves at social functions.” In fact, while that may be how things appear, many extroverts have their own set of challenges. By understanding the pitfalls that one another faces - and understanding how those can turn into opportunities - both introverts and extroverts can learn from each other.

Since we don’t often see an article that addresses the challenges of both introverts and extraverts, I thought I would share it here. To learn more, read Extrovert or Introvert: Your Guide to Networking by Lynda Margaret.

I’ve come across quite a few articles and blog posts lately that raise the question “Is social networking an introverted or extraverted activity?” It’s an interesting topic that I touched on briefly last year in a post called Social Networking: Introversion vs. Extraversion.

An unidentified author at oneIndia claims that social networking sites are turning extraverts into introverts, because people are increasingly using these sites to communicate with friends and family members in lieu of staying in touch by telephone. I have to disagree. For starters, extraverts don’t become introverts simply because they’ve chosen to communicate in writing (an introverted preference) rather than by telephone (an extraverted preference). They may prefer social networking because it allows them to easily communicate with many people and expand their social circle beyond those that they know offline. Actually, any credibility this author may have had was destroyed when they went on to say that people are watching less television and spending more time on social networking sites, since watching television is clearly a more introverted activity than social networking, so I won’t waste any more time on this article, which was brought to my attention by Patricia Weber, Business Sales Coach for Introverts.

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By Paul Barton

How to make conversation?

Knowing how to make conversation is critical if you want to build a relationship - a romantic relationship, a personal relationship, a social relationship or a business relationship - or if you want to help sell yourself for a job … get ahead … make a sale.

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Much has been said and written about preparing for networking events by developing a 30 to 60 second “infomercial” that you can use when introducing yourself. But then what? Since introverts don’t particularly enjoy (or excel at) making “small talk,” the next step can be very challenging, but blogger Meghan Wier has come up with a great solution.

In her blog post, What’s Your Story?, Meg describes the process of drafting a 3-5 minute synopsis that you can have on tap when someone asks you to “tell us a little about yourself.” You know that situation is inevitable, so why not be prepared? You’ll feel more at ease, and you’ll be more interesting too – both of which will help you to network more effectively.

If you think you can’t run a business because you don’t want to network and market yourself, you should read Melanie Mendelson’s Business Success Tips For Introverts. Melanie is an introvert who reached a six-figure income in her third year of business, so she must know what she’s talking about!

I’m just thrilled at the number of fellow introverts who have introduced themselves to me through this blog, especially those who also blog about introversion. “Quiet Keith” is a recent visitor whose blog is titled Introverted Success. When I stopped by his blog, his post Why Introverts Hate Networking Events immediately caught my attention, since networking is one of my favourite topics.

As an introvert who has been self-employed for six years, I can absolutely relate to Keith’s comments and agree with most of them. I’ve been to a few networking events where I slipped out as early as I could because I was overwhelmed by the crowds and the activity, and because I felt I’d already taken part in as many conversations as I could manage. However, I’ve been to many more where I was among the last to leave. This is how I’ve made networking less painful:

1. Choose smaller, more structured networking events. I’ve found that breakfast meetings work well for me. For one thing, it’s usually a smaller group than you’d find at after business cocktail party-type events. With less time devoted to “mix and mingle,” instead of choosing between a series of brief interactions or being a wallflower, I can engage in an extended, and often meaningful, conversation with the person next to me. In addition, since many typically aren’t “morning people,” the chance of getting inundated with sales pitches is minimized.
2. Don’t play the numbers game. A lot of people (probably extraverts) try to exchange business cards with as many others as possible, but I don’t see this as true networking, which is about forming and building relationships. Instead, I make a point of catching up with people I already know and introducing myself to a couple of new people. If I don’t feel like talking to someone, I don’t. I consider it a big deal if I come home with three business cards. After all, for us, it’s not about the quantity but the quality of the relationships.
3. Plan in advance what I want to say. This applies especially to my 30-second self-introduction. Being prepared helps to eliminate some of the anxiety around having to stand up and introduce myself.

There are lots of other networking tips for introverts on this blog, so if you hate networking like Keith does, I hope you’ll find some suggestions that will make it tolerable, and maybe even enjoyable!

By Patricia Weber

If you have been in business for any amount of time, you go to networking events. Did your body just seize up? Was there a swelling of nervousness in your gut? Are you about ready to stop reading? I encourage you to stay with me about networking. Let me ask: whats the difference between someone who asks you at a picnic or at church, Who do you know who? versus the reality that this is the same question being asked by everyone at a formal networking event? The difference is likely that phrase “networking event!”

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By Christine Donovan

How many times have you stood at the entrance to a networking mixer frozen in fear? “A root canal would be easier than this,” you say to yourself. Having to make small talk with strangers, trying to be interesting and charming, is not your strength nor your idea of a good time. But you believe that if you can just endure this for an hour, you might walk away with some valuable new contacts. The reality is that your discomfort often has negative results, and you don’t gain the new relationships you had sought.

In the 1930s, Swiss psychologist Carl Jung coined the term introvert as someone who tends to find his psychological energy within… in the world of thought, contemplation and reflection. This inward focus can result in a tendency to pull back and maintain a safe distance, especially around new people.

In the world of networking, introverts can face a long list of daunting challenges - not the least of which is sending nonverbal messages that may be misinterpreted as aloofness. And “aloof” is not a good message when your purpose is to mix, mingle, and foster new relationships.

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You know that an important aspect of attending workshops, conferences, and other events, is meeting the other participants. But as an introvert, it can be challenging (to say the least) to approach strangers in a crowded room, when you’d really rather be sitting in the corner or, better yet, at home playing with your cat.

Savvy introverts have learned that there is a way to meet a large number of people without the discomfort of introducing yourself to strangers, the fear of interrupting a conversation, or the awkwardness of making small talk. Their secret is to volunteer at the registration desk. This role provides the opportunity to meet nearly everyone as they come in (depending, of course, on the number of people staffing the registration desk) and something to say to them (here is your name tag, the bar is over there, etc.) without having to step very far outside their comfort zone. And, because most people will be eager to move on to where the activities are taking place, they’re unlikely to want to stick around and engage in lengthy conversation.

Why not try it, the next time you have a large event to attend?

One of the blogs I like to read is Jay Robb reviews business books, because I’ve always enjoyed Jay’s column in the career section of my local newspaper. He recently reviewed The Connect Effect: Building Strong Personal, Professional and Virtual Networks by Michael Dulworth, President & CEO of Executive Networks.

In The Connect Effect, Dulworth shares a wealth of information about effective networking, and because he’s an introvert himself, his advice is much more “doable” than that offered by some other experts. For example, it’s frequently suggested that you set a goal for each networking event that you attend, and an extraverted author might suggest that your goal might be to meet 10 new contacts. I can’t imagine talking to a total of 10 people at a two-hour event, let alone 10 new people! Dulworth’s recommendation is to aim for three or four substantive conversations at your next social event, instead of working the whole room.

For more of Michael Dulworth’s networking tips, read Jay Robb’s review, or better yet, read the book itself!