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Public Speaking: 6 Ways to Calm Your Nerves

August 8th, 2017

Do you ever have to teach a class? Make a presentation? Give an interview? Appear on radio or television?

As an introvert (especially if you are also shy), do you relish such public speaking opportunities? Are you always cool, calm, and collected? Ack, me neither!

If you’re anything like me your mind races with thoughts: How do I look? How am I going to sound? Why did I say yes to this? What if I don’t know the answer? What if nobody comes? When will it all be over?

We all have a choice: We can hole up in our homes where we are safe, and miss out on opportunities. Or, we can brave the outside world — for a little while — and benefit from all it has to offer.

Here are my 6 tips for calming your nerves before a public speaking event:

Know your subject. Usually if someone has asked me to speak to a group, or participate in a public forum, it’s because I am an expert on some topic in their eyes. They might be wanting to know about getting organized, or about a unique experience I’ve had. Sometimes, ironically, I speak about being introverted! It really helps if it’s a topic you are knowledgeable and passionate about, as described in this article. But, whether it’s a new or old topic, do your research, prepare, and practice. Just like everyone else prepares for an appearance.
Dress comfortably. You want to look nice, sure. But if you don’t speak often, and don’t generally wear 3-inch heels and makeup, this might not be the best time to start. Your personality will shine if you aren’t worried about how you look, and how itchy that new sweater is that you forgot to try on in advance.
Create a mantra and use it. Or use mine. I created this one for myself in college, to combat test anxiety. I call it “The 3 C’s”. Basically, I say this to myself: “I ____________ calmly, carefully, and confidently.” (Where fill in the blank can be take tests, make presentations, answer questions, etc. Whatever fits the situation at hand.) To elaborate, what I do is to breathe deeply between each phrase, and repeat the phrase 3 times, like this:

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

“I _____________ calmly,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “carefully,” (deep, slow breath in and out) “and confidently.” (deep, slow breath in and out)

That’s it. Don’t skip the deep breathing! (That’s probably the most important part.) I do this whenever I start feeling insecure about the upcoming event. I do it on the drive over to the event. Sometimes, if I need to, I excuse myself to the restroom to do it just before I’m “on”.

Remind yourself, “It’s not about me.” They just want to know what your experience was like. Or, they just want to learn something from you. Or, they just want some useful tips and inspiration. Sure, they’re all looking at you, but they’re mostly concerned about themselves. Remind yourself, too, that if the event was advertised, and they knew who you were and still chose to come see you, they probably already like you!
Think of a time when you were super-successful and felt really good about it. Bonus points if it had to do with a previous public appearance. Did you feel confident that time? Did you get a standing ovation? Did someone come up to you right afterward, or later, and tell you how much your comments meant to them? Do you have a photo of the occasion? If so, take it with you. Or, at least remember the occasion, and how it felt, in as much detail as you can summon, when you feel nervous.
Imagine it’s just the two of you. I’ve heard that many of the most famous public speakers in the world are introverts. It sounds counter-intuitive, doesn’t it? Who would want to talk to 20 people, much less 200 or 2000? But when you think about it, when you are in front of an audience, it’s just you and them, right? Think of it as two entities having an intimate conversation, not dozens or hundreds of entities. And this time (for the most part) you’ll have a chance to finish your thoughts without interruption!

Click here for some more tips from Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. I haven’t read them yet because I didn’t want them to influence my post. But I’m such a fan, how can they go wrong?

Do you think my tips will work for you?

How do you calm yourself before a public appearance?

Please share with us in the comments below!

Hazel Thornton is a professional organizer and genealogist based in Albuquerque, New Mexico; creator of The Clutter Flow Chart Collection; and author of Go with the Flow! The Clutter-Clearing Tool Kit for an Organized Life. Visit her online at www.org4life.com.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness
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What This Introvert Asks Herself Every Day

by Guest

August 8th, 2017

I’m sitting in a chair in my kindergarten class with my head in my hands, sobbing my little heart out. My class-mates are all around me with their heads tilted back with laughter.

This is my first memory, growing up, and it is the start of my years of bullying. It is also the point I noticed my social anxiety, not to mention the shyness I still deal with.

Being the victim of bullying for as long as I have, the effects of it are still prevalent in my personality. I’m the quiet type that rarely speaks up in class or even at my job in customer service.

How do you deal with social anxiety when it’s such a big part of your life for so long? Do you push it under the rug or do you do something about it?

Why can’t you be like other people who are happy to talk to people about mundane things? When we’re called on in class, why is our first reaction to become freaked out?

These are all questions I’ve asked myself during my journey of social anxiety. These are questions I know I may never get an answer to but I ask them in my mind anyway.

1. How do you deal with social anxiety when it’s such a big part of your life?

For me, social anxiety has been a part of my life since I was a young woman. I remember my father telling me about his own dealings with it as a child.

Recalling those conversations years later made me realize I have the same condition. He had told them to me as a young woman but I forgot about the conversation until I was a junior in high school.

By then, I had been dealing with the anxiety for a couple years. It came to life when I was first learning how to drive as a sophomore in high school.

I’ll never forget the stress of high school, nor the diagnosis of my anxiety disorder years later. It was after college that I got diagnosed but it stuck with me.

2. Do you push it under the rug or do you do something about it?

For me, the answer is rather obvious: do something about it. It took me years to do that but I put my foot down after those years. I couldn’t stand living with the anxiety any longer so I took action.

I now have a therapist I enjoy speaking to on a monthly basis. I also have medication for the first time in three years that hasn’t made me have adverse side-effects.

That was my one goal in all this: to find the middle ground I’ve heard so many stories about. It shouldn’t have taken this long but I took the road I needed to take.

3. Why can’t you be like extroverted people?

This question always baffles me, especially if it comes from other people. I’ve heard people ask me this quite often if I’m being especially quiet over a period of time.

It doesn’t particularly bother me but it does bring up a valuable discussion between us. We aren’t all wired the same. Some people prefer to be talkative while others don’t like to speak as much.

It’s alright to have days where you don’t text anyone, let alone call them on the phone. Extroverts might not realize how much anxiety it causes if the extrovert calls them.

This is especially true for me since I grew up in customer service. I had to answer the telephone for my parents’ small business, which exhausted me on a mental level.

I was never good at speaking to people over a telephone, let alone face-to-face. So the thought of answering a telephone for a living is a thought full of dread.

4. Why is my first reaction to stutter when I’m called on about something?

I can remember those times in class when I wasn’t paying attention and I’m called on by the teacher. He or she asks a question of me and I’ve heard half of it at most.

I don’t know the answer to the question and it’s killing me as I stall for time to answer it. I’m stuttering something unintelligible while I’m blushing like crazy.

I couldn’t be more embarrassed, especially when I ask the teacher to repeat the question. I realize I’ve stalled too long, which means the teacher must know it too. Why else am I getting that nasty face?

It brings the worst kind of shame to the anxious person if you’re calling them out for being so quiet. Chances are, you’re interrupting some sort of thought process.

We probably heard you the first time but we’re thinking about a way to answer you. Don’t make it worse by embarrassing us. I’m begging you!

The introvert may have heard you the first time but they’re thinking about a way to answer you. Don’t make it worse by embarrassing them. I’m begging you!

Lisa Fourman is a freelance writer in the mental health niche and the founder of Mystique MGMT. She plans to use her brand as a vessel to make mental illness less of a taboo subject at the dinner table. You can visit her website at http://lisafourman.com.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : children, shyness, social anxiety

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How to be confident when talking to women

by Guest

January 5th, 2016

Imagine this.

You’re looking at the girl of your dreams. Maybe it’s that cute girl in your class. Maybe it’s that beauty in the bar. Slowly, you begin to make your way over to her. She turns to look at you. Your palms begin to get a little sweaty and you start to feel knots in your stomach.

Your thoughts begin to race…you suddenly remember how you got rejected the last time you tried asking a girl out…your mind beings to imagine all the ways that it could go wrong…“What if she already has a boyfriend? What if she says no? I’m completely inexperienced. What if I make it weird or awkward?”

Yesterday, this might have been enough to psyche you out of talking to her.

But not today! You calmly brush those thoughts aside and keep your confidence as you start chatting her up.

As an introvert, I struggled a lot with confidence when talking to girls and I’m excited to share with you how I learned to be confident.

Why the traditional advice we get about confidence sometimes fails us

What’s the usual advice that we hear about confidence? Typically, we often hear things such as: “Fake it until you make it”, “Think positive”, and “You can do it!” in self-help books and other media. And for a little while, we do feel more confident. When we’re reading positive statements or listening to that Shia Labeouf video where he yells “Do it! Yes you can! Nothing is impossible! Make your dreams come true!” from the safety of our own bedrooms, we can easily psyche ourselves into feeling more confident. We can get ourselves all hyped up and tell ourselves “This time I’m going to do it!!” when there’s still nothing at stake. However, once the moment of truth arrives and we actually try to talk to her then all those feelings of confidence vanish as quickly as they came.

As it turns out, this was some of the worst advice we could have received.

A 2009 study by Joanna V. Wood and John W. Lee showed what happened after a group of participants repeated self-affirmative phrases such as “I am a loveable person”, “I will succeed”, and “I accept myself completely.” Common sense suggests that everyone would feel better after saying such positive statements to themselves, right? And indeed, the participants with high self-esteem felt slightly better. However, the participants with lower self-esteem felt even worse!

What’s going on? When the participants with low self-esteem told themselves that they are loveable people, their minds snapped back at them with stories such as “No you’re not!” As the authors concluded, “Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people (such as individuals with high self-esteem) but backfire for the very people who need them the most.”

So, what are we supposed to do?

The Power of Negative Thoughts

Well, here’s the kicker. In a follow up study to the 2009 one, the psychologists allowed the participants to list negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts. They found that the low self-esteem participants’ moods actually improved when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts!

We often think that it’s bad to have negative thoughts and that we should try to get rid of these by thinking positive. However, this could not be further from the truth. Here’s why.

Today, we enjoy being at the top of the food chain. You can go outside, walk to the supermarket, grab some groceries, and then walk back home. Nothing is going to try and eat you. However, thousands of years ago we shared the world with beasts such as woolly mammoths, saber-tooth tigers, and cave bears. Animals such as these can could flatten you or tear you apart in the blink of an eye, and many of these creatures would love nothing more than to eat you for lunch.

Luckily, Mother Nature was kind enough to give us our own secret weapon against the claws, fangs, and tusks of these beasts: our superior intellect. Our minds were on constant vigil for signs of anything and everything that could eat us, scanning the environment and getting ready to activate our flight-or-flight response at a moment’s notice. That rustle of leaves in the bushes could be a saber tooth tiger ready to pounce. That shadow in the cave could be a hungry bear. That noise roaring over the horizon could be a woolly mammoth charging toward us. As the psychologist Joseph Ciarrochi puts it, our minds operated as “don’t get eaten” machines. And by constantly thinking negatively, our minds kept us alive.

Now, today we face much less threat from beasts that could eat us or stomp us flat. However, evolution hasn’t had enough time to catch up and our minds still operate very much the same way they did before. They still look for the negative, for anything and everything that could go wrong. If you try to fight this by thinking positive, then you’re literally fighting thousands and thousands of years of evolution…a VERY steep uphill battle.

And when we try to talk to women, our minds will still look for everything that could go wrong. We think of things such as “What if she already has a boyfriend? What if she says no? What if I make it weird or awkward?”

How to overcome negative thoughts

To overcome our negative thoughts we can use a process that psychologists call “defusion.” If your negative thoughts are influencing your behavior, then we can think of those as having become “fused” with each other, just like two pieces of metal might be fused together. The goal, then, is to separate them so that your fears and negative thoughts no longer affect you.

In order to defuse from a thought, you need envision it so that your mind realizes that your thought is just that—a thought. Nothing more than words in your head. Now, there are many ways to go about doing this. I’ll show you one of my favorite defusion techniques, originally created by psychologist Steven Hayes.

1. First, try to notice when a thought has “hooked” you or is negatively affecting you. Don’t fight it or try to force it out of your head, but listen to what it is saying. What is it telling you? “She probably already has a boyfriend”, “she’ll think I’m a loser”, “I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence” etc.

2. Now, repeat that thought to yourself but now say “I’m having the thought that…” inserted before it. So, the thought that “I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence” becomes “I’m having the thought that I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence.”

3. Finally, repeat that thought once more but now say “I notice I’m having the thought that…” before it. For example, “I notice I’m having the thought that I’m completely inexperienced and I’ve got little self-confidence.”

By doing this, many people are able to achieve a sense of separation or distance from the thought. Remember that we’re not trying to fight the thought or force it out of our heads. Instead, we’re trying to neutralize its effect on us.

But what if my thoughts are true??

That doesn’t matter as much as you might think. We aren’t so much concerned with whether or not our thoughts are true but rather whether or not they are helpful.

Imagine that we’re in the Ice Age again. You’re on the hunt with two other members of your tribe. The leaves from the bush next to you begin to rustle almost imperceptibly. Suddenly, a four-legged silhouette leaps out and gallops towards one of your friends. He begins to raise his spear in defense, but the beast’s white, curved fangs sink themselves into his neck before he has time to react.

Your other friend hurls his spear, which grazes the beast and causes a red spot to grow on its fur. Unfazed by its injury, the beast darts towards your friend. In one swift motion, it raises its claw and tears through his face. Now, the saber-tooth tiger turns to face you. Its fangs and claws dripping crimson, it begins to look you from head to toe and starts to lick its chops.

What are you thinking in this situation? Perhaps some prehistoric version of “Oh ****!” and “I’m about to get eaten.” Are those thoughts true? Probably. If you let those thoughts influence your behavior, though, then you’d be frozen in fear. Yes, the thought that you’re about to be the tiger’s lunch is probably true. But that thought is not helpful. So, if you were to have any chance to survive then you’d need to put those thoughts on the back burner and either run like heck or fight for all you were worth!

Even though we don’t really have to worry about being eaten today, our minds still present us with many negative thoughts that will easily undermine your behavior if you let them. It might very well be true that “she probably has a boyfriend” or “I’ll make it weird if I talk to her” or “I’m completely inexperienced and have little self-confidence.” But that doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not the thought is helpful. And if it’s not, then we’ll want to defuse from it so that it doesn’t affect our behavior.

When you’re talking to a girl and your self-doubts kick in, you now have a tool to loosen their grip on you. You now have a way to help your mind recognize that your thoughts are merely words in your head and to allow them to bounce around without trying to fight them or letting them influence your behavior. By separating yourself from your negative thoughts, you can exude confidence when talking to her…maybe enough to get her to go out with you.

About the Author

I have a confession to make: I had an absolute BLAST writing this article because…well…I used to not have any confidence! I had a lot of trouble talking to girls because I lacked confidence, and I felt that I lacked confidence because of how much trouble I had talking to girls. My name is Steven Zawila and I know how frustrating it is because I’ve been there before. So, I’m going to write a lot more on confidence in the coming weeks and I’m totally excited to share it with everyone on my e-mail list. Sign up on my website www.charmingintrovert.com.

Photo: © Voyagerix / DepositPhotos

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : dating

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Better Ways to Build Confidence in Your Shyest Kids

by Guest

December 17th, 2015

All kids, like adults, fall somewhere on the extrovert and introvert spectrum. While naturally talkative and well-spoken kids tend to feel at ease in social settings, it can be difficult to know how best to help a shy child navigate life without feeling anxious or uncomfortable. There are some tips and techniques that can help a shy child feel more confident in their interactions at home, in school, and other social settings, so you as a parent don’t have to feel lost when it comes to helping them out.

Do Not Make Apologies

It can be difficult as a parent to watch your shy child look awkward and mumble when meeting new people. It is tempting to apologize and explain, “Sorry, they’re just shy.” This is a no-no for a couple of reasons. First, by apologizing, you are making your child believe there is something wrong with being shy. Second, by repeatedly stating your child is shy, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a child hears constantly that they are shy, they will begin to believe that they are and act more this way.

Give Pep Talks before Social Interactions

Help your shy child prepare for social settings by talking through different scenarios. Remind them to look at people when being spoken to. Depending on the age of the child, doing little role play scenarios can be helpful. Coach them on how to wait for breaks in conversation and when to best break in. Making friends can be difficult for shy kids so help them out by talking over conversation starters.

Provide Safe Social Practice

Giving your child opportunities to interact with others when you are nearby and where they feel supported is key. Encourage them to order their own drink at the pizza place, say thank you to the bus driver, or shake hands with your co-worker. It may not be easy, but it’s best to practice when mom or dad is close by for a feeling of security.

Keep an Open Dialogue

It is extremely easy to be an overbearing parent to a shy child. Resist the urge to answer questions and give explanations for your child. Instead, gently nudge them towards answering for themselves. Since shy children are typically good listeners, but slower to communicate, conversations take a bit more work. Be patient and give your child a chance to speak.

Model Good Social Manners

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert by nature, make a conscious effort to model excellent behavior. Children often mirror what they see, so speak up, look at people, and shake hands firmly.

Offer Feedback

Take time to watch and discuss your child’ interactions. Work on positive ways to bring up areas of improvement that you observe. Make sure to compliment and praise your child when they do something good in social situations like hold open a door or say thank you.

Provide Opportunities

Make sure you give plenty of opportunities for your child to stretch their wings and grow. Shy kids might not mind spending a lot of time alone, but appreciate being included in other activities as well. Whether you try swim lessons in Houston, or a community art class. Give kids a place to find out what they love to do. Meeting others with similar interests is often all it takes to get them talking and making more friends.

Accept Your Shy Child

Accept and embrace your quiet and reserved child. Shy kids have their own strengths and are often are excellent listeners and very conscientious students. Teach them to embrace and accept themselves for the wonderful people they are.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a shy child and shyness does not typically indicate a lack of confidence or low self-worth. Oftentimes, shy children have very healthy self-esteem and simply don’t enjoy being loud and boisterous. Keep an open dialogue with them and watch for any areas of concern. A happy, but shy, child may not seek out social interaction, but is able to make eye contact, practice good manners, and be overall more content. By embracing and accepting your shy child the way they are, you will best help them navigate an extroverted world as a shy and perfectly well adjusted person.

About the Author

Brooke Chaplan is a freelance writer and blogger. She lives and works out of her home in Los Lunas, New Mexico. She loves the outdoors and spends most her time hiking, biking and gardening. For more information contact Brooke via Twitter @BrookeChaplan.

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : children, shyness

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Are You an Impractical Introvert?

by Guest

March 31st, 2014

Photo © Dalia Drulia / sxc.hu

Imagine yourself as a beautiful, elegant…snail. Snails cannot leave their shells permanently, as shells are a part of their body. As a snail grows, its shell does too. The shell offers protection from predators and elements, however the snail must poke its head out often enough to get around in the world.

Don’t worry. This isn’t going to be a “come out of your shell” post. That’s an extrovert’s way of misinterpreting introversion as an affliction. But have you ever felt that your introversion holds you back at times? Has it ever been so drastic that it kept you from accomplishments?

There is one major thing that is going to get you through life successfully as an introvert and that’s discomfort tolerance. You’re going to be uncomfortable at times, and let’s face it: sometimes hiding from a tumultuous world can be addicting.

“In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” -John Mulaney, comedian

Introversion and Extroversion are not traits like a person’s race or sex. Its more like a scale. You can move up and down the scale, but you are anchored to a particular range. You can’t change what you are, but you can become better at being what you are.

Being extremely introverted or extroverted wouldn’t be very healthy or practical. Mega extroverts wouldn’t think before they speak, wouldn’t be able to tolerate themselves alone, and would be basically dependent on others for their entire being. Extreme introversion (as you may have noticed at times in your life) can mean missing out, not seeking enough support, and having irrational fears surrounding people. This is Impractical Introversion. It gets in your way.

As introverts we should not be trying to make ourselves into extroverts. However we can always push ourselves a little further towards the middle of the scale in order to reap more of the benefits of socialization.

“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” -Aldous Huxley

Impractical introversion is not just enjoying your private time. It’s when you go above and beyond to stay in your safe zone, even when it’s to your detriment. It’s extreme dread of social situations, even when they are minor or casual.

Not sure if you are being an impractical introvert? Here are some possible side effects:

• You’re not as far along in your career as you could be
• You don’t date or haven’t dated in ages because its just too much hassle
• Strangers’ eye contact agitates you, especially in the morning (WHAT DO THESE $&!$ING PEOPLE WANT!?!?!)
• You avoid plans with even your closest friends and acquaintances you never see
• You’ve been avoiding a certain conversation with your boss or spouse for months
• You spend most of your free time either lost in thought or with your pets (you speak Meow more than English)

Yikes. You get the idea. Introversion is not synonymous with shyness or low self-esteem, although they do coincide far more often than with extroversion. Unfortunately with that could come anxiety, depression, and before you know it you’re convinced you are a few cards short of a deck.

So the important take away is to not let your introversion get carried away. If you find yourself in frequent seclusion or habitually experiencing social anxiety, you need to balance your scale.

You don’t need to “come out of your shell.” Just thrive in it, master it, and poke your head out whenever it makes sense.

Brianna graduated with a BA in Sociology and is successfully unemployed while working on her first novel. She also began The Absurdist Chronicles, a blog for social commentary and general antics.

Categories General, Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : comfort zone, socializing

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The Confusion Surrounding Introversion, Shyness, and Social Anxiety Disorder

by Guest

October 28th, 2013

Introversion, shyness, and social anxiety are all terms that get intermingled and used to describe a person’s personality. While they may have similar characteristics, the three terms mean different things. Someone who is introverted, may not be shy for example. And shyness does not always mean that someone has Social Anxiety Disorder. The purpose of this article is to shed some light on the meaning and differences of each construct.

Someone who is introverted may label themselves or may be seen by others as shy or vice versa. Likewise, someone who is shy may think they suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder, when the symptoms may not reach that level of anxiety. While these beliefs may be incorrect, it can be somewhat confusing to clearly distinguish between the three. This article breaks down the three constructs of introversion, shyness, and Social Anxiety Disorder by providing more definition and examples.

Introversion

Introversion goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not shy, rather they find other people tiring along with environments that are over stimulating. Introverts may seem shy, because they tend to be more quiet and reserved. They would rather observe than join in a group discussion, are very thoughtful, and tend to keep emotions private. They think before they speak, and tend to be more introspective. Introverts also need their alone-time to decompress and re-energize.

Shyness

Shyness refers to feelings of tension and discomfort when around other people. Shyness indicates a fear during social situations. Shy people feel awkward and may display physical signs of this such as sweating or blushing. They do not want to approach or be approached by others. While they do want to connect with others, they feel unsure about how to interact because they are nervous or timid. So, when does shyness escalate to Social Anxiety Disorder?

Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Disorder is characterized by overwhelming anxiety and excessive self-consciousness in everyday social situations. The anxiety is more intense and persistent than shyness. It escalates to a more chronic fear of being watched and judged by others, and one tends to be very cautious about by their behavior in public. This can even interfere with school or work productivity. While shyness tends to occur during social situations, those who have Social Anxiety Disorder fear a social situation before they even happen and may find ways to avoid them all costs.

People with Social Anxiety Disorder can even experience panic attacks. A panic attack is a period of intense fear that suddenly erupts with symptoms like an an accelerated heart rate, trembling, shortness of breath, dizziness, and nausea.

Summary

So while it is easy to see how the three constructs of introversion, shyness, and Social Anxiety Disorder can easily get confused, and one term may be used to describe another, they are very different from one another. If you feel like you might have Social Anxiety Disorder, the best advice is to have a psychiatric diagnosis, as several treatment options are available.

Additional Resources

http://www.apa.org/topics/shyness/

http://anxietypanichealth.com/2008/09/16/shyness-or-social-phobia/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=E_Fiske-Jorgensen

Categories Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : shyness, social anxiety disorder

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Outrageously Successful Introverts

by Chris

September 3rd, 2013

Laura Schocker of The Huffington Post has given us a list of outrageously successful introverts, some of which may surprise you.

Emma Watson “It’s interesting, because people say things to me like, ‘It’s really cool that you don’t go out and get drunk all the time and go to clubs,’ and I’m just like, I mean, I appreciate that, but I’m kind of an introverted kind of person just by nature, it’s not like a conscious choice that I’m making necessarily. It’s genuinely who I am.”

Eleanor Roosevelt “Friendship with oneself is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.”

Christina Aguilera “Because, besides being petite, she is, it seems, shy. She tells me that she has always been ‘intense and introverted’ and that, as a result, she’s felt like an outsider her entire life.” (Gaby Wood)

Abraham Lincoln “In the nation’s earlier years it was easier for introverts to earn respect,” Susan Cain said. “America once embodied what the cultural historian Warren Susman called a ‘Culture of Character,’ which valued inner strength, integrity, and the good deeds you performed when no one was looking. You could cut an impressive figure by being quiet, reserved, and dignified.”

David Letterman used to marvel at “the aerodynamic properties of toast.”

J.K. Rowling “The Harry Potter author has described herself as an introvert, particularly when she refers to her childhood.” (Susan Cain)

Bill Gates “Bill Gates is quiet and bookish, but apparently unfazed by others’ opinions of him: he’s an introvert, but not shy.” (Susan Cain)

Courteney Cox “I’m a homebody. I like to have people over, but I’m a little socially not — I don’t love it. David — he doesn’t drink anymore, he’s completely sober — but he likes to go out and dance. He really is a very gregarious guy. He’s very outgoing. I’m much more of an introvert.”

Albert Einstein “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”

Mahatma Gandhi “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

Laura Bush From USA Today: “For an admitted introvert, Laura Bush remarkably has evolved into a very effective speaker.”

Rosa Parks “When she died in 2005 at the age of 92, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was ‘timid and shy‘ but had ‘the courage of a lion.’ They were full of phrases like ‘radical humility’ and ‘quiet fortitude.‘”

Audrey Hepburn “I’m an introvert … I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky.”

Warren Buffett “Success in investing doesn’t correlate with IQ. Once you have ordinary intelligence, what you need is the temperament to control the urges that get other people into trouble in investing.”

Roy Rogers “I’m an introvert at heart. And show business — even though I’ve loved it so much — has always been hard for me.”

Candice Bergen “I’m an introvert and my husband is like the mayor.”

George Stephanopoulos “Despite my job chatting people up, I’m an introvert.”

Heat Waves & Cocktails

by Chris

July 30th, 2011

“Everyone’s alone — or so it seems to me.
They make noises, and think they are talking to each other;
They make faces, and think they understand each other.
And I’m sure they don’t. Is that a delusion?”
T.S. Eliot

We’re having a heat wave now. Temperatures in the 90s. Warnings on TV and radio to stay inside if possible and to move slowly if we must go out into the blazing sun. When I open the door to go out, it’s like stepping into an oven. And that experience is similar to what I (as an introvert) feel when I step into a cocktail party. It really does feel like walking into a wall of jaggedy vibes. That’s the first thing that I perceive. The second is the high noise level. People are hollering conversation at each other. All my instincts are hollering at me to get out of there, but I’m determined to carry this through. I plunge into the room.

The magazines and etiquette books (and even my friends and relatives) give advice on how to enter a room. Apparently I should pause in the doorway and allow the other guests to admire my pretty face. Oh dear. I flubbed it. I’m pretty sure that what I had on my face was horror.

On the right, immediately next to the door, is the open bar, with a bartender who moves with the speed of light. I ask for white wine and get a martini. You can tell them apart by the olive. I smile and keep going.

It doesn’t take long for frenetic interaction with dozens of people to drain my energy. If only I could take a bit of a break – maybe just go outside and recharge in the quiet – then I would be able to stay. But there’s no popping in and out of cocktail parties. Once you leave, you’re gone.

Why do cocktail parties exist? Why would anyone want to bellow conversationally with strangers? Is it for networking? A sort of corporate speed-dating? That may be it. I haven’t been invited for cocktails since I retired. I guess I can learn to live without them.

Categories Business Networking, General, Introverts at Work, Social Anxiety & Shyness

Tags : cocktails, crowds, noise, party

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Here are my 6 tips for calming your nerves before a public speaking event:

1. How do you deal with social anxiety when it’s such a big part of your life?

2. Do you push it under the rug or do you do something about it?

3. Why can’t you be like extroverted people?

4. Why is my first reaction to stutter when I’m called on about something?

Why the traditional advice we get about confidence sometimes fails us

The Power of Negative Thoughts

How to overcome negative thoughts

But what if my thoughts are true??

About the Author

Do Not Make Apologies

Give Pep Talks before Social Interactions

Provide Safe Social Practice

Keep an Open Dialogue

Model Good Social Manners

Offer Feedback

Provide Opportunities

Accept Your Shy Child

About the Author

Introversion

Shyness

Social Anxiety

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