Do you enjoy having time to yourself, but always feel a little guilty about it? Then Susan Cain’s “Quiet : The Power of Introverts” is for you. It’s part book, part manifesto. We live in a nation that values its extroverts – the outgoing, the lovers of crowds – but not the quiet types who change the world.

At last, an infinity of reading.

Oh Kindle, my Kindle! At long last, I own a Kindle. For those of you who are not bookaholics like me, Kindle is an e-reader from Amazon. It can link up with Amazon and sell you books, which appear on your screen in a few seconds. Best-sellers are $9 but old-faithfuls are $1. Collections of five classics cost a buck.
I was like a kid let loose in a candy shop. In my mind, I was running from treasure (Whitman!) to treasure (Wuthering Heights!), picking and choosing and downloading, reading, rejoicing, and going back for more. I felt bright and happy and active.
But what did I look like? I looked like I was sitting in a chair, staring at a tablet, pressing buttons. I’m an introvert, you see. All of this takes place on the inside. People who don’t know me will mistake this as a good time to interrupt, because if they were sitting silently pressing buttons, they would be bored. But I am not bored, I am enthralled and having the time of my life! This is a very Do-Not-Disturb time. After all, I wouldn’t interrupt you when you’re watching the Super Bowl, would I?
It doesn’t last forever, any more than the Super Bowl does. Although that first time with the Kindle, exceptionally, lasted all night.
Are you an extravert? Do you worry about introvert friends or relatives who go inert? Relax. They’re having fun, on the inside.

Here are Donna’s recommendations, along with my comments as to how I’ve applied them in my business.

1. Step into the shoes of your ideal client and target market.

When I started my business, I didn’t have an ideal client in mind. Like many new entrepreneurs, I was delighted to work with anyone who was willing to pay me. Gradually I came to recognize that I was happiest and best suited to working with professional organizers. Having been an organizer myself for a few years, I have a good understanding of their needs, so it’s easier for me to tailor my messages to that group.

2. Discover and use your “profitable essence.”

Since I discovered my passion for WordPress, blogging, and social media, I haven’t had to work hard at selling my services. I’m so enthusiastic about what I do, that people “get it” just from hearing me talk or seeing my online activity. I don’t need a sales pitch!

3. Share your knowledge.

Sharing knowledge is really what social media is all about, isn’t it? There’s so much information that can help my clients and potential clients to reach their business goals. When I write out my own ideas in the form of blog posts, they can see that I’m knowledgeable, and when I share links to what others have said, they can see that I’m resourceful. Either way, it’s a win-win situation.

4. Teach what you know.

I’ve been doing presentations, seminars and workshops almost as long as I’ve been in business. Of course, I was terrified at first; that’s common even for extraverts. But what I’ve discovered is that it’s challenging for me to catch people’s attention, especially in a large group of people. However, when I’m the speaker, I already have their attention, so all I really have to do is stand there and do Steps 1, 2 and 3. And when I’m really into my topic, I don’t fall into the trap of reading my notes; I just talk.

5. Seek out one-on-one opportunities.

Business networking events are a good way to meet new people, but they’re not ideal for getting to know them well. Conversations can be interrupted by other networkers, announcements, or a shift to the next stage of the agenda. Make a point of scheduling a lunch or coffee meeting with some of the folks you meet, so you can sit down and really get to know each other and explore how you can help one another’s businesses.

When it’s convenient, arrange to drive with someone to meetings or conferences. Driving time can be a great opportunity for one-on-one interaction, and walking in can be a bit less overwhelming when you’re not by yourself.

6. Network selectively.

There are all kinds of networking opportunities, and you need to find what works best for you. I’d prefer to go to a small event with 20 or fewer people in attendance and have a good conversation with two or three, than a large event with a roomful of people I don’t know.

In her article, Donna mentions that she’s most comfortable with structured meetings, and I tend to agree. In the past, I’ve been to various events put on by Neworld Coaching: Intimate Alliances involved sitting down with other participants one-on-one to discuss pre-defined questions, and the Beehive Game “Live” involved collecting as many leads as possible for a specific need in a short time. Although the formats were completely opposite, I enjoyed both, and I think it’s because the structure meant it wasn’t up to me to decide who to approach and when, or what to talk about.

I encourage you to read about Donna’s 6 Proven Strategies Helping Introverts Easily and Effortlessly Market Themselves and learn some more ways you can apply them in your own business.

This post was originally published on Your Organizing Business on November 22, 2010.

Our siblings.  They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are cast in relation to them our whole lives long. ~Susan Scarf Merrell

I shouldn’t keep falling for this. Mom wants a happy family and we, her four kids (um, make that adults), keep trying to pretend that we are. For the most part, that is true – we get along very well.

Except that we are three introverts and one extravert. The extravert doesn’t understand the problem. I’ve heard that extraverts never do and if I think about it, that might be true. After all, if an extravert reaches “outside” for the answers, then he would (and he does) think there’s something wrong with us. We three introverts, on the other hand, look inside ourselves and see a no-fault difference. We need a bit of quiet to energize, and our extravert sibling needs people and action to energize.

Sometimes I visit my extravert sibling for the weekend (to please Mom). Nothing goes smoothly, because we are opposites. At night, Bro tells me – and this always surprises me – about our schedule for the next morning (remember this is Saturday). I am to take my shower at 7am and he is to take his shower fifteen minutes later. Do you see how differently we perceive that? I, the introvert, want to sit quietly with a cup of coffee and eventually have a leisurely shower. Bro, on the other hand, wants to fling himself in the shower and out into the world as fast as possible. He wants to have breakfast in public, preferably at sidewalk tables, with people yammering and traffic whizzing back and forth. I’ll do it, but I really want breakfast in bed with a good book.

Speaking of reading, I’ve noticed that my extravert brother reads books the way I exercise – twenty minutes, three times a week, and thank heaven it’s over. I think the twenty minutes of solitude must be agony for him, the way that twenty minutes of a crowded gym is agony for me.

It takes me a week of re-energizing quiet time to recover from an exhausting action-packed weekend with my extravert brother.

But it makes Mom so happy.

How would an introvert handle a power struggle?

I’m ashamed to admit that so far, the dog is winning. How do I struggle? I walk away. A more clever introvert might walk away and make a plan. The first time I walked away, the dog bounded after me – I won. Tonight was the second time I walked away. The dog stayed at the sidewalk. When I finally caved and went to him, I saw that his leash was caught. But he’s a clever little beast and he’s done this before. The leash wasn’t caught by much – a flick of my finger dislodged it.

Is a power struggle not introvert territory, since it is by its nature an ‘outer’ event?

Or do we have power struggles in our inner depths? Yes, I believe we might. I have an on-going struggle with Mom (may she rest in peace) about how tight jeans should be. I *think* I’m wearing them my way. But I’ve gotta watch out for those subliminal messages.

Inner or outer, I delude myself that I’m in charge of me. I think.

“Everyone’s alone — or so it seems to me.
They make noises, and think they are talking to each other;
They make faces, and think they understand each other.
And I’m sure they don’t. Is that a delusion?”
T.S. Eliot

We’re having a heat wave now. Temperatures in the 90s. Warnings on TV and radio to stay inside if possible and to move slowly if we must go out into the blazing sun. When I open the door to go out, it’s like stepping into an oven. And that experience is similar to what I (as an introvert) feel when I step into a cocktail party. It really does feel like walking into a wall of jaggedy vibes. That’s the first thing that I perceive. The second is the high noise level. People are hollering conversation at each other. All my instincts are hollering at me to get out of there, but I’m determined to carry this through. I plunge into the room.

The magazines and etiquette books (and even my friends and relatives) give advice on how to enter a room. Apparently I should pause in the doorway and allow the other guests to admire my pretty face. Oh dear. I flubbed it. I’m pretty sure that what I had on my face was horror.

 On the right, immediately next to the door, is the open bar, with a bartender who moves with the speed of light. I ask for white wine and get a martini. You can tell them apart by the olive. I smile and keep going.

It doesn’t take long for frenetic interaction with dozens of people to drain my energy. If only I could take a bit of a break – maybe just go outside and recharge in the quiet – then I would be able to stay. But there’s no popping in and out of cocktail parties. Once you leave, you’re gone.

Why do cocktail parties exist? Why would anyone want to bellow conversationally with strangers? Is it for networking? A sort of corporate speed-dating? That may be it. I haven’t been invited for cocktails since I retired. I guess I can learn to live without them.

I blush to admit that I am reading a book on how to be popular. How very adolescent of me! How very knee-jerk of me, really, now that I come to think of it. We all want to be popular, right? Whoa, now. I’m an introvert. I need quiet-time to refresh my energy. That leaves me stuck on the bottom rung of the popularity ladder.

But what would life be like if I became popular? It would be a nightmare! People, people, people, always and everywhere, there would be people who want me. My phone would ring all day and all night. I’d be invited to parties, dinners, varnishings, premieres, barbecues, baptisms, and weddings. Not necessarily in that order. As I attend these things, I would rise on the popularity ladder.

And then I would become quiet-time deprived. My smile would get glassy, my voice would be monotone, I’d feel obliged to keep talking just to keep up with everybody else. I’d make up excuses to have a few minutes alone. Slowly but surely, I’d reclaim a quiet quarter-hour here and there. And just as slowly and surely, I’d drop back down to the bottom rung of the popularity ladder.

Whew! What a relief! Popularity isn’t for me. I need to ration my time to accommodate family, friends, associates, and – not least of all – myself.

Photograph (c) Sarah Lewis

Although struggling with shyness is not exclusive to introverts, it’s a challenge that many of us face.

I recently read an article on Personal Development @ Suite 101 which outlines these helpful tips to help you eliminate self-destructive behaviours and be more assertive in your day-to-day life.

1. Be present.
2. Observe your thoughts, but don’t believe them.
3. Use “I” statements.
4. Remember that non-verbal communication is as important as verbal.
5. Accept yourself!

For more details and additional resources, read Trample Your Shyness and Rev Up Your Assertiveness.

Do you consider yourself shy? Have you found ways to overcome it?

When I started my business nine years ago, I was invited to speak about Personality Type and Time Management at a local bookstore, and it was just too good an opportunity to turn down. I was so terrified, however, that I was actually relieved when no one showed up (scheduling it at the same time as an NHL playoff game was probably not the best idea!), even though it meant I didn’t get the chance to promote my services.

Since then, I’ve spoken in front of many groups, both large and small, at a variety of different events. Although I’m still pretty nervous before speaking, once I get up there, I actually enjoy it! In fact, many people express surprise when I identify myself as an introvert. I’m actually pretty surprised myself. The only thing I can figure is that as an introvert, I’m not comfortable approaching others, but if they come to me as a subject expert, that’s a whole different story.

Apparently, I’m not alone in this. In a recent blog post, Jonathan Fields revealed:

One of my more recent discoveries is that I love to speak. After I’m done wanting to throw up in the minutes before I go on, I feel very alive on stage. Something happens and I get lost in the moment. Not always, but often.

He goes on to explain that it’s what happens after speaking that differentiates us from extraverts. Find out more by reading Flipping the Extrovert Switch, especially the comments.

But before you do, please tell us about your own experience with public speaking. Do you like it? Do it because you have to? Avoid it at all costs?

Self-described introverts often say, “It’s so easy for extroverts to network. They are not shy about approaching someone they don’t know or introducing themselves at social functions.” In fact, while that may be how things appear, many extroverts have their own set of challenges. By understanding the pitfalls that one another faces – and understanding how those can turn into opportunities – both introverts and extroverts can learn from each other.

Since we don’t often see an article that addresses the challenges of both introverts and extraverts, I thought I would share it here. To learn more, read Extrovert or Introvert: Your Guide to Networking by Lynda Margaret.